Where We Began

Chapter Twelve

Apparently, not only was Katsuki a total jerk, but he was a liar too. His hands shook uncontrollably, as he swore and tried to still them. Like a child. A very, very scared child.

"Calm down," Dabi said, glancing over at Katsuki, "You're going to be fine."

The blond looked over, barely registering what Dabi just told him. If he had a dime every time someone said that to him in the past hour, he would have twenty cents, which isn't a lot but it's ridiculous that two people felt the need to say that to him.

How was he meant to explain it all to him? How was he going to tell Dabi?

"I, uh- Well, you see, er-" Katsuki began, struggling to find the right words. "Just spit it out already," the other scowled slightly, his eyes narrowing.

Katsuki opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. His brows were frowned, his nose scrunched up the slightest bit, his mind wandering.

All the years he missed out on. All the moments he could have had. All the people he could have met. Katsuki wanted to voice his thoughts. He wanted so badly to let it all out in his screams, in his sobs, in a trembling voice that ruined him.

Except Katsuki doesn't cry. Not in this line of work. Not in this life time. Maybe in the next one though. Maybe. It would be okay.

God, maybe I really do need a hug.

"Well are you going to say it already?" Dabi asked, glancing at the oddly emotional blonde.

Katsuki sighed. "No, I don't think I will. Maybe next time."

Maybe.

If Katsuki wanted, he could come up with a list of maybe's.

Maybe this could go well.

Maybe he could die.

Maybe he could die today. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe not. Maybe he would live until he was twenty and live long enough to actually do just that.

Live.

"Fine," Dabi muttered, frowning, "Next time."

The van bumped, Katsuki's seat jolting all of a sudden, his hand twitching.

Katsuki didn't know which one was worse. Die at the hands of Endeavor or die at the hands of Dabi. Maybe Katsuki would die at his own.

Sighing deeply, Katsuki shook his head.

"No, you're probably right. I'll be fine."

~O~

Katsuki was in fact, not fine.

He head was swarming with thoughts, as he stared at the blank concrete wall in front of him. He held his breath, closed his eyes and counted down from ten.

There was only one way this could go and that was wrong. He wished he hadn't said anything, he wished he hadn't watched the news two days prior, he wished he hadn't picked up the phone - even hanging up the phone before would have been better. Better than this.

I'm protecting him. I'm helping. Right? Oh God. Dabi is going to kill me. Shit, shit, shit, shit-

"Hey, Kugo!"

Toga's voice run in his ears and he jumped. The shorter blonde laughed, the corners of her eyes wrinkling the corners of her lips pulled upward into a smile.

"Jumpy, huh?"

Over the past year and a half or so, Toga had gotten into the habit of calling Katsuki "Kugo" due to his last name.