Behind the Barriers

27

27

My feet were glued to the floor. Hindi ako makagalaw lalo na at nasa harapan ko na ngayon si CJ. At kahit wala man siyang sabihin, ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit niya.

He's here. In Cebu.

Of course, I'll not be shocked. Greg must have told him, since he's the only one who knew.

"I am here to have peace-"

"That's fucking bulshit," he roared.

Ngayon ko lang nakita ang ganitong side ni CJ. He looked like a lion, ready to devour his prey, which is me, I think. Natatakot ako sa kanya pero hindi ko ito pinahalata.

I looked back at him, levelling his mad gazes. I wanted him to feel that I was not dazed that he's here now. I want to let him know that I am strong.

"I don't want you here, CJ-"

"Don't you dare tell me that, Euresah."

Isasara ko na sana ang pinto nang hinarangan niya ito gamit ang kanyang matikas at madepinang braso.

"Fine! What do you want me to do?! Go home?!"

Tumalikod ako sa kanya upang pumasok sa room kasi hindi ko na kayang makipagtitigan sa kanya. My knees were wobbling.

I already expected him to follow me inside. And I think that it's a wrong decision. Being in the same space with CJ makes me want to surrender and break down.

My pride... it keeps on getting in the way.

"Sana man lang ay nag-text ka na pupunta ka sa Cebu, Euresah."

"Ayaw ko nga, 'di ba? Can't you get it? Gusto kong mapag-isa!"

His eyes scanned the place. I saw how his jaw clenched. Napasinghap ako nang lumapat ang kanyang mata sa akin. Lalo na nang lumapit na siya sa 'kin.

His height was towering over me. And I hate how I must lift my head to meet his eyes.

I hate how I realized that he's making me inferior. I hate that. But I also hate how I love him even after that.

"Alam mo ba kung gaano ako nag-alala sa 'yo?" aniya sa mababang boses.

"I want some space, CJ."

"If you want it so bad, then discuss it to me properly! Hindi iyong hindi ka na naman magpapakita."

I scoffed. "I was just gone for a day."

"And that's enough to make me insane."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. I wasn't even mad. I was ashamed of myself. That I need to run away and he caught me.

"Bakit ka pa kasi nandito?" sabi ko.

"I am here because I am your boyfriend." He scoffed. "Come on, Euresah, you are being a brat."

That's the end of my rope.

"I am a brat, CJ! I am not lying about that!"

I came here because I'm so broken. My family and I got into a heated conversation that makes me want to bawl my eyes out because I realized that they never really cared.

Tapos ngayon ay nandito siya para mas palalain pa ang nararamdaman ko?

The rain wasn't even helping at all! It's making everything fucking dramatic!

My tears were starting to form... and I feel so angry. It's as if all of my frustrations are slowly coming into one.

"I ran away to escape. Tapos anong gagawin mo rito? Pagsasabihan ako? Na ano? Brat? Ano pa?"