i despise you

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SONG FOR THE CHAPTER:  Go fuck yourself - two feet

After crying my weight in tears i walk to the bed room where there's no sight of cyrus so i go and ask vicenzo if he knows where cyrus is and what he tells me hurts like a bitch "he went out with a friend" he says and i know he went out with some ...

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After crying my weight in tears i walk to the bed room where there's no sight of cyrus so i go and ask vicenzo if he knows where cyrus is and what he tells me hurts like a bitch "he went out with a friend" he says and i know he went out with some chick just because i told him he couldn't come with me, "ok, thanks enzo" i tell vicenzo before heading back to the bedroom and getting into bed.

It most be close to 3 in the morning when i hear the bedroom door open, "wow you're back early" cyrus says, i just ignore him and turn around back to sleep, "so now you're not talking to me" he says , i just ignore him until he gets into bed and we both sleep.

Unable to sleep peacefully i wake up in a matter of two hours after cyrus came back, i get out of bed, and grab a blanket before hearing "where are you going it's like 5 in the morning" cyrus says, "somewhere where i can be alone" i say and walk out of the room, half asleep, not knowing where my feet is taking me i end up in my childhood room that's now empty, i place the blanket on the floor and sleep there, i guess this is my safe place.

...

it's been a few weeks since we fought, we haven't talked and the fact that is almost christmas and we aren't on speaking terms is killing me, we've bee sleeping in different rooms, but in the same corridor, it's suprising how we haven't bumped with each other.

As i walk towards the elevator i feel someone walking behind me, so i press the button and get in, when i turn around cyrus is there, we both are trapped in this small space together so i look at him, he just glances back.

As i walk towards the elevator i feel someone walking behind me, so i press the button and get in, when i turn around cyrus is there, we both are trapped in this small space together so i look at him, he just glances back

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He's wearing this amazing suit that hugs all the right places.

"can we talk?" i say, "i don't see why we couldn't" he says in a way that feels like a punch, he sees all this mess as my fault, and it probably is.

"i'm going to ignore the fact that you're being an asshole and say this" i tell him but he cuts me short by saying "now i'm the asshole, wow, that's rich coming from someone that's married and still goes out with some other dude", that stung, that really hit me like a bitch.

"ok first of all mr. perfect i didn't go out with some other dude, i went to dinner with my bestfriend and by the way not that you'd care i came back not even an hour later, and i came back crying, so much that i sat on the grass in the drive way while your sister held me for like 2 hours" i say before the elevator doors open and i get out of there.

Today we are going to buy the christmas tree and decorate it, we always buy a christmas tree from a Farm near the house where they have the biggest trees.

All the family is going out, cosme is going with her boyfriend and his daughter, they look like a little family and it's so nice seeing her happy, although i miss her, i don't see her anymore, in the past months i've just seen her twice so i'm happy she's coming with us.

I go with my mom, dad and his parents on their car and cyrus goes with vicenzo, his sister, daxton and enzo.

"Come with me, the best ones are in the back" my mom says as soon as we arrive to the farm, i just nod, then we start walking towards a group of trees in the back, walking away from the group, just the two of us, "i can tell something is wrong, what's going on?" she asks me.

I know i'm closer to my dad but my mom has always been there whenever i needed her and for that i'll forever be thankful, "i don't know ma, maybe i'm just tired" i tell her, she nods at me before hugging me.

After seeing a ton of trees and walking through all the farm, cosme finally decides with her boyfriend on a monumental tree that'll probably won't fit in any apartment.

While cosmes boyfriend angel is paying for the tree she's making angels in the snow with cyrus and the little girl.

"come make some snow angels with us" cosme shouts at me and i go, the little girl acts and looks as if she was cosme's and cosme treats her as hers.

"what is your name?" i ask the girl, she's not much older than 4 years old, "poppy!" she says before her dad comes back and picks her up, "after so much time i'll finally introduce you two" cosme says standing up from the snow, cyrus puts an arm around me.

"this is my boyfriend angel, angel this is my bestfriend and almos sister draven and her husband cyrus" cosme says, angel looks confused, "i would've never thought you two are married" he says, cosme elbows him on the ribs making him flinch a little, real discreet of her.

After that terrible encounter cyrus stays talking with angel as cosme walks with me and poppy to our parents.

My mom instantly falls in love with poppy, she would be an amazing grandma, my dad shows his mushy side that i never thought he had.

"come on let's talk and leave the little one with the old folks" cosme says pulling me to the side, "since when have you been fighting with cyrus, what's wrong?" she asks me and i tell her everything that's been going on, "wow that's a shit ton of drama" it's all she says.

inecessary bullshit that's what this really is, then she tells me how she's not really that happy with her boyfriend, how he uses her as some sort of nanny and it reminds me of my relationship with rafael, i never noticed when the abuse started but seeing something similar from the outside is fucked up it really is hard to see a loved one not realizing what really is going on.

"can we talk?" i hear from behind me, recognizing the voice in seconds i don't say anything and walk to the car but before i could open the door cyrus stands in front of me forcing me to look at him.

"stop running from me" he says, "then stop making problems out of nothing because i'm getting tired" i say, he looks down, "i'm tired of this too you know but it's not just my problem" he tells me, furious i say something i'll one hundred percent regret later, "then why don't we take a break!!", he looks at me, with an unkonwn look in his eyes, broken, hurting but angry at the same time, "maybe we should, i'm sorry for wasting your time" he says before walking away even after i call his name a few times.

That's when my heart brakes in a million pieces, once again i'm alone, once again i ruined everything.

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