Racing to You ✓

07 | audition

When people said an actor's job was auditioning 90% of the time, they weren't exaggerating.

It was another reason why my parents were pushing me into the music industry as well -- I would have more time focusing on things I wanted to create rather than getting a temporary job then having to look for another one once it ended. My parents also loved the stage, but she admitted that the lifestyle got a bit tiring for them after a while, thus supported me in screen acting, especially if I could get signed onto a long contract for a TV series.

This reminder hit me as I ran over Betty Rizzo's lines for the umpteenth time, fuelled by the energy in the waiting room alongside Yulissa, Joy, and all my other theatre friends. It was already the end of the second week of school, on a Friday afternoon after classes, and the school musical auditions had snuck up on us. I had been such a nervous wreck the entire day that there probably were things I forgot to pack in my bag before rushing to this waiting room.

"Imma pee my pants," Joy admitted. "I don't know how you two are holding it together."

"Sis, trust me, I've been praying the entire morning," Yulissa laughed. "Only God knows what a wreck I've been."

"Fake it till we make it," I added, trying to stop myself from biting my lip.

Although I had auditioned countless times, I still got nervous before every single one of them. I've heard that the nerves never really do go away -- you just learn how to channel them. My favourite advice was to remember feelings were just feelings, neurotransmitters firing impulses. We're the ones that decide what to label them -- nervous or excited. Our hearts would be thudding either way; we would be jittery and perspiring either way. So I always told myself that I was simply excited to show people what I had to offer.

Ms.Jónsdóttir, our drama teacher, opened the waiting room door and popped her head in. "Leilani?"

"Good luck," Yulissa and Joy simultaneously whispered to me.

I nodded my thanks and trailed after Ms.Jónsdóttir into the room next door.

She sat at a table on one side of the room, along with some backstage crew. My school's backstage crew -- lighting, sound, design, etc. -- usually gave a hand for auditions, since we were all working towards a show with synergy.  I smiled at them briefly before returning my attention to Ms.Jónsdóttir.

"Okay, we're going for Rizzo, right?" She clarified.

"Yes," I replied, willing my voice to not shake.

"Whenever you're ready," she told me.

I recited the lines and re-enacted in the way māmā had suggested, channeling more angst and sternness into my performance. Rizzo was definitely out of my comfort zone, but there was no growth in comfort, and no comfort in growth, right?

This mindset that got me through the audition didn't change the way I collapsed from embarrassment right after, though.

"Ohmigodohmigodohmigod," I screamed into my pillow once I got home. Another memory flashed through my mind from the audition which brought about another round of screams.

My phone was buzzing like crazy, no doubt from the theatre kids group about how their audition went, or which role they really wished they would get. I groaned and grabbed my phone from under my blankets, but just as I was about to hurl my phone across the room, a message on the screen made me stop short.

👩🏻: Have you seen the article on you and Justin?

My breath stopped short. What article?

👩🏽‍🦱: ???????

👩🏻: ....

👩🏻: Here: