Racing to You ✓

23 | musical

As always, the Christmas school break flew by. Justin practically lived in my house, as his parents were only home for like a day or two -- so my own parents made sure to spoil him with attention and affection. The familiarity of his presence, the lively atmosphere brought by the non-stop flow of visitors and Michael Bublé Christmas album, and the smell of warm food made me nostalgic. 

I did manage to squeeze in a few visits to Deandre and Gramps for sure -- and it was true Giorgi had to work more and more by the day. I helped wherever I can, such as hanging up the laundry and  wiping and dusting down furniture. Deandre managed to find a balance between spending time at home while also at work, something that seemed to be easier with school temporarily out of the equation. 

But school came back around the corner soon enough, and with it brought a fresh bought of stress, especially with the spring musical. 

It was opening night. 

As chaotic as chaos goes, backstage was exactly that. From people running around in half-zipped up costumes, frantically pinning hair back into place, doing warm-ups, and the rustling of mics as the backstage crew tried to get the nerves under control. No matter how many rehearsals we go through, including stage runs, nothing could prepare us for the real deal. It was a thrill that kept people coming back, I guess. 

Joy was bouncing on her feet, face already flushed. "Okay. Okay. I've got this." 

"You've got it," Yulissa agreed. She turned to me. "How's our Rizzo?"

"Not much better," I groaned. 

She looked between Joy and I and then pulled us into a circle. "Come on, get it together girls, channel that boss lady energy!" 

"What's this secret meeting happening without me?" 

We rolled our eyes and faced Hafiz. 

"Okay, Mr. Danny," I mocked. 

He grinned and took my hand, then planted a kiss on it. "Rizzo."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure that's not how Danny would act," Yulissa tutted. "Get it together, children."

"Who's watching us tonight?" Hafiz asked. "Is Justin going to be here?"

"He's supposed to be," Joy mused. "Or at least, closing night. Aaron would be delighted. Where is that guy?"

"With the rest of the ensemble, I reckon," Yulissa replied. "They're ready at stage right."

Ms.Nielsen came up to us, flipping the stage directions in her arms. "We're starting in 10. Get ready, go out there and kill it!" 

When the main hall lights dim and the audiences hushes, and the first performers take the stage, a familiar focus takes over and the nerves slowly go away. Of course, having my closest friends by my side always helps -- and when I appear on stage as Rizzo with her Pink Ladies, welcomed by cheers and the orchestra, I feel nothing short of a girl boss. We fell into a comfortable rhythm, allowing our muscle memory to take over, as well as have fun and support the people on stage during different numbers. When Grease Lightning was being performed, we cheered them on and even gave Aaron and Hafiz their own shoutout from the wings. 

When it came to Rizzo's solo, I allowed the warmth of the spotlights to guide me, and released my tension into the darkened hall beyond. I channelled Rizzo's emotions into the song, and by the end of it, the audience's applause brought me back to reality of being a performer on stage. 

With minimal technical issues, we got to the final bow, where I got to breathe a sigh of relief, allowing myself to finally truly relax as I waved to the crowd and searched the sea of faces for my parents. It was not hard to spot them, seeing Makua bouncing up and down and hearing māmā's whooping over the chaos. 

Warmth spread throughout me as I worked my way towards them, where they fussed over me as usual. The havoc of taking pictures commenced next, with the theatre parents finding each other and hollering for each other to drag their kids over for photos together. 

"Lani!"

I turned towards the familiar voice, breaking into a grin upon seeing Theo and Deandre. "Hey!"

To my chagrin, instead of working their way through the crowd to me, Theo waved me over. I stared at them, but when I saw Deandre looking shyly at me, I excused myself from my fussing parents and made my way to them. 

"There must be good reason why you made me fight for my life through that," I huffed to Theo, before giving him a hug. 

His eyes twinkled as he gestured to Deandre. "Less eyes here." 

I turned to Deandre curiously, about to give him a hug of his own, but he handed a bouquet of sunflowers to me instead, his dimples on full display. "Congrats, Lei. You were amazing." 

I gaped at the flowers. "Thank you!" 

He briefly brushed a hand over his short curls. "I'm not familiar with theatre etiquette, but Theo told me that performers usually receive flowers after a show. I remember you said these were your favourite, so I got some." 

I beamed up at him, then, I tiptoed to plant a kiss on his cheek, just like I had last time. Theo groaned. "Alright, I'll be by the wall if you need me."

Deandre cleared his throat once Theo was out of earshot. "That's the second time you've done that now."

"Yeah," I said, breathless from emotion. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Friendship 101 didn't really mention what it meant." 

I giggled. "Kissing on the cheek? I do it as a 'thank you', mostly. But I'll stop doing it if it makes you uncomfo--"

"I'm just confused," he clarified gently. 

My gaze dropped to his lips, which made me hesitate. What were my feelings for him? Did I care for him just as a friend, or something more? 

I realised that I hadn't allowed myself to think that far. Hadn't allowed myself to hope that much. But at the same time, I had already kissed him -- even though platonically -- so I owed him an explanation. I shouldn't pressure him. 

"Do you like me, Deandre?" I blurted out instead. "Like, not just as a friend?"

He froze.

"Uh -- sorry," I apologised awkwardly. "I shouldn't be asking you -- you've got so much to figure out--"

I noticed that his chocolate brown eyes were suddenly a few shades darker, like black coffee. He was still staring at me. 

"Forget I said anything," I blabbed on bashfully, turning to run away. 

He cleared his throat. "Yes. I like you."

My heart stumbled. I slowly turned back to face him.

He shoved his hands into his worn out jeans' pockets. "I didn't say anything because... I didn't know how. I've never... felt like this before. I didn't want to like you just because you were the first person who was kind to me. Like you know, the Joy situation?"

I nodded, biting my lower lip. 

"But when I realised, it scared the hell out of me. So I pushed you away. Like I have pushed so many people away -- it has been the only way I've known to protect myself. But I want to get better. I want to be better."

I shook my head. "Deandre, don't beat yourself up for it. For what it's worth, I like you too. And I was scared that you weren't able to like me back, understandably."

"Don't say that if you just pity me," he whispered.

"Deandre," I chided. "I like you for you. I promise. But if we're going to grow together, we've gotta recognise when our past is stopping us from moving forward, alright? And then try to fix that so that we get better."

He paused and swallowed. "Alright. I'm gonna try. But you'll probably going to have to be a bit more patient with me compared to other... normal people."

I grinned and planted a soft peck on his lips. "We have all the time in the world." 

Or so I thought.