Sanity

24. Listen

Days later, Jaelyn was still at the doctor's infirmary on the other side of the city, letting her wounds heal the old-fashioned way with a professional present. She could feel pain everywhere, now that she had stopped moving enough to let the pain register. The lashes on her back had been treated properly and were already feeling much better, and the stab wound where Tank got her had been cleaned out and wrapped up tightly. He had even treated the small cut at her throat where Tank had her held for a bit. The rest were just bruises and cuts, aches in her knees and elbows from where she fell and such. But nothing hurt quite so much as the fact that William had not come down to see her once in the week she had been on bed rest. Noah came every day, bringing books to read to her and stories to tell her about the aftermath of the attack at William's wedding to the princess of Ronile. But whenever she asked about William, he would give her nothing. It was becoming too painful to think about, but she had nothing else to do while she was cooped up in bed all day.

It was getting to midday, around the time Noah usually arrived to see her. He was late, of course, and it left her itching to get up and pace the floor, but the doctor was standing at the other side of the room treating another patient, and he had been keeping one eye on Jaelyn ever since he arrived. Noah may have told him she was a flight risk.

Jaelyn sighed and leant back into her pillow, staring up at the ceiling.

"Are you moping still?"

She jumped in surprise at the sound of the voice, almost springing out of bed in the process. She ignored the aches that accompanied her sudden movements and instead followed the sound of the voice to see William leaning against one of the building's structural posts. He looked almost amused, but Jaelyn didn't return his expression.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded. He frowned at the hostility in her voice.

"I thought you'd be thrilled to see me," he admitted. "Now I just feel silly."

"Will, I mean it," she argued, trying to sit straighter but struggling to find a comfortable position for her back at the same time. "You must know how hard it was for me to leave. Why are you making me go through this again?"

"Because I want you to marry me."

"I already told you I won't."

"I'm not taking no for an answer."

"I may be injured, but I can still fight back."

William, despite the directness of Jaelyn's tone, mustered another amused smile, which only frustrated her even more.

"I don't think your reasoning makes sense, dear," he announced finally, pushing away from the post and moving closer to her bed. He leaned his arms forward and held himself up on the edge of the bed. "It just sounds like you're making excuses. You can't just assume you know what everyone is going to think and do all the time, you know. Did you ask my parents if they would refuse you? Because I did."

"William," she growled.

"They were shocked, but they saw you save my life. Multiple times. They saw you come back to protect me, to protect my people. To defend them. Even though you were on the brink of death. We're all alive because of you."

"And the only reason there was a risk of you all being killed was because of me in the first place!" she exclaimed, unable to believe what was happening before her eyes. "If it hadn't of been for me, none of this would have happened!"

"Not true."

She hesitated. "Surely you're not that naïve, Will," she said with an eyebrow raised. He just shrugged his shoulders, eyes glinting.

"If you weren't given the contract, it would've been given to someone else. And they would have probably succeeded. You said yourself they issued this contract before they even knew who you were; they wanted me dead regardless. You just happened to be exactly who Matzen wanted dead more than me."

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Drat. He was right. He would have been killed, and Noah would have been imprisoned. Matzen would have taken over their kingdom for sure.

William's smile was blindingly smug as he realised he had beaten her. "You see? We can be together. My entire kingdom owes you for what you've done for us. Please, Jaelyn. Be my wife. Be my Queen."

The thought should have made her smile and leap out of bed, but all it did was make her pale and shaky. She thought back at her time being Kamryn Matzen, wearing all those beautiful dresses and being treated like royalty. Her life would be so easy, and she would have the King on her arm all the time. The man she loved like no one else, spending the rest of their lives together with him able to protect her.

She couldn't do it.

"Will, you don't get it," she sighed, leaning back almost in defeat.

"Then let me," he argued, moving around the bed to sit beside her. He took her hands in his, very gently, and looked her in the eyes, a look so intense Jaelyn almost had to look away. But she didn't. She held his eyes in hers and let out another sad sigh.

"That's not me," she admitted finally, her voice barely a murmur. "I'm not a princess. I'm not a Queen. I'm hardly a noble lady. I was raised in a sewer, Will. I was brought up killing people for money. I'm not a good person. I don't deserve the happy ending you want, and I can't give it to you."

"You're not a bad person, Jaelyn. You've saved everyone's lives by ending Tank and Matzen. You do deserve a happy ending. Stop punishing yourself, please."

"Even if I could pretend to be a princess, and learn how to behave properly and change my behaviour. Even if your parents did accept me. Even if the entire kingdom accepted me. I will always be the girl who was hired to kill you, and I will always be a murderer. An assassin. I can't take those things back. It's who I am. How can I prance around the palace in a pretty dress and rule a kingdom?"

He was quiet for a moment, but his eyes never left hers. The longer they looked at each other, the more unsure Jaelyn became, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't want to really throw this away.

"I thought it might come to this," he said finally, his voice quiet. But there was the hint of amusement in it. She frowned slightly, looking down at his lips as the corners of them tugged up into a sly smile.

"What are you-"

He interrupted her by lifting his hands up to her cheeks, pulling her face forward and capturing her lips in a kiss. It wasn't like the peck he gave her before they went into battle; it was like their first one, full of passion and need. He moved his mouth slowly, and she responded to his movements without even realising it. He tasted so sweet. Like freedom.

He pulled away after a while, leaving her dazed and breathless. She looked up at him, her eyes glazed over slightly and saw he had a much similar expression on his own face.

"Listen to me, and listen to me well," he said finally, his voice stern. She watched him in amazement, not daring to say a word. "I'm not letting you leave me. It's happened before, and I'm not letting it happen again."

She nodded slowly, her mouth hanging open slightly by the power and intensity in his tone. He'd never spoken with such directness before. She was taken aback.

"Do you understand? Good. Here's what we're going to do."