To Let Go

1

The silence was loud, jimin hated where he was. Surrounded by the gray walls and the scent of medicine everywhere. He has been here for only once when he was pregnant with Soohee. His daughter who was now 8 years old. Those years passed by in a whim and now jimin feels like those were merely just a few seconds. This moment at the present is excruciatingly long. Every minute feels like an hour and every day feels like a year.

It has been a daily routine, jimin comes early in the morning at almost 6 and till the evening he stays here with his daughter. Jeon Soohee, a beautiful 8 year old girl diagnosed with blood cancer. The least of cancer's that can't be cured. They have done everything they can but nothing came out of it. Atlast Soohee has given up herself.

In the afternoon, jimin takes a walk around the hospital, mostly roaming in the maternity ward looking at new born babies with their mothers. Watching their smiling faces holding their babies. At a time he himself was in that place holding his newborn daughter. But he could no longer picture himself like that. His own daughter was slipping away from his hands.

"Here again? How is Soohee?" Jin the maternity head nurse asked jimin with his soft tone. He knew that it has been hard on jimin. The latter has known jimin for 8 years now. This is where they met for the very first time. Jimin came in as an emergency labor case and Jin was the one who helped him through the whole process.

"Same like before. Doctor said that she has given up." Jimin answered not once glancing away from the newborn baby that were inside, his fingers slide on the glass as a smile broke out from his lips.

His heart broke into yet another million pieces as he remembered what the doctor said earlier. Soohee has given up, the only things keeping her alive were those machines.

"You must be tired. How about going home for a bit?" Jin suggested. The older knew that the mother would refuse like he always does. Since the past 6 months, the same thing has been repeating itself. It has been six months since Soohee was admitted to the hospital.

"I can't. What if she will wake up and search for me?" The latter finally glanced at Jin with those same eyes that were once filled with happiness. And it only made Jin feel more bad.

"You know she won't, right?" Jin hated saying that. Jimin already knows Soohee won't wake up.

"She might." Jimin answered him with the faintest of hope brimming in his sore eyes. He looked so tired. His once beautiful face was now sullen and dull. Dark circles evident under his eyes and face pale.

Jin could no longer answer him. Jimin excused himself and went away.

How did life come to this? Weren't they happy just a moment ago? What went so wrong?

No matter how much jimin questions himself, he can never find the answers. It was no one's fault.

Watching the huge clock that was hung up on the plain white wall of the hospital corridor, jimin counted each passing second. He was offered a cup of tea by the nurse but he didn't even touch it once and now it was cold. He didn't have the heart to see Soohee again with those wires attached for today.

As the clock hit six, it beeped loudly. Jimin slowly got up and went towards Soohee's ward for the last time today.

As he examined her face for the 100th time today, he could still see no difference. Even though the doctor said that she can't wake up but jimin believed a miracle would happen. He imagined her waking up and calling him for several times. It never happened though.

Jimin sighed after a long pause and came near Soohee to peck her forehead softly. He caressed her cheek carefully and backed away. The brown haired male began collecting his bag and belongings because it was now time to go.

Not long after the ward door opened again and came in a man wearing a suit. Jungkook looked exhausted but for jimin he tries to brush of his tiredness and cheer up his spouse. The father went up to his daughter and talked to her although he knew she can't hear him.

"What did you do today?" Jungkook asked jimin as he came up to him and sat beside him on the couch.

"Nothing special." Jimin answered while his eyes remained fixed on Soohee. And jungkook knew jimin was same like before. No matter how much he tried to cheer up jimin, nothing could make jimin feel better.

Even when they found out that jimin was pregnant with their second baby, jimin wasn't happy at all. All he said that day of finding out was when will Soohee wake up. He was dead set on his daughter.

"The doctor called us to talk about something. Let's get going." Jungkook took the smaller's hand, grasping onto it comfortingly.

Jungkook always comes to pick up jimin from the hospital at six, and before that he is always working. The medical bills aren't affordable at all. And not for once does he not think about jimin and Soohee. They are his world. The father knows that he can't do anything more than this. And it pains him knowing that he is so incapable.

"Come in, Mr and Mrs Jeon." The doctor called them in. The couple sat opposite to him with heavy hearts. The previous visits to the doctor has always been so melancholic. And they almost automatically know that this time is not better either.

"Good to see you again. How are you?" Mr Lee, a cancer specialist. He has been treating soohee since the beginning.

"We are doing good. You said you had to talk to us about soohee? Is she fine?" Jungkook responded. Jimin remained silent beside jungkook fiddling with his ring.

Everything in this room was so out of jimin's reach. There are posters everywhere of supposedly things related to cancer and jimin couldn't understand anything. He didn't want to either. Cancer right now was his enemy, what right does it have to take his daughter away from him? And how was this cancer so powerful?

They have been fighting since so long. The time went slow, but it was fine before because soohee could still walk and talk. Only since the past 2 months, she had fallen into coma. And 2 months back was the last time jimin heard his daughter's beautiful voice, the last time she kissed him goodnight and the last time she smiled at him.

"So we have been observing her state for the past six months and I hate to say this, there is no improvement. And for a case of blood cancer, medical science can't do much. This will be very hard for you but at this point I suggest you give up on her." The doctor seemed helpless. Even he felt bad because he couldn't do anything despite being a doctor.

"No! I will never give up on my daughter!" Jimin's reaction was rather too rashed, he couldn't think straight. The latter stood up from his seat abruptly.

"Jimin, calm down!" Jungkook comforted him. And even he himself felt like crying but he couldn't. Jimin hugged him close and cried so hard. And not for once did jungkook shed a tear. He had to be strong.

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