Once again i had fallen back into the loop hole. I sat up in bed with thousands of voices howling miserable things in my head over and over. Questioning why this is my life? Why do i have to feel like this why me? Where did i go wrong what did i do how do i deserve this? Maybe i do deserve the pain all this pain, all the late nights, the flashbacks, my past. My past is always in the back of my mind anything at any time could instantly make it become number one on my head like tonight. I instantly knew what was coming a cold shiver fell down my spine. Goosebumps appearing on the surface of my skin. My vision went blurry i felt my eyes beginning to fill with water. I gripped tightly onto my blanket my palms began to get sweaty. I tried everything to stop it repeating "Happy thoughts." "Happy thoughts." Rubbing my arms trying to make the textured goosebumps leave my skin more just appeared. I just gave up and excepted what was coming. I got in a ball and closed my eyes. I felt myself panickingly pushing myself into the corner tears rolling down my cheeks creating a puddle on my pillow. It becomes harder to breathe my chest gets tighter it feels like i'm suffocating. I begin to whimper. When it's all over i cry uncontrollably. Trying to be quiet not to be heard. I just lie there trying to process what just happened.
