He is the poem I wanted to write// rewriting

Beginning?

From my diary :

 Today I was watching others in the class again, and I took notes in my head on how they act and think, especially I like to look at Cole, I've liked that boy from the first day I saw him, he is so pretty and talented. I think his soul is similar to mine. I want him to be míne. But he can't be, it's not normalized for boys to like other boys, no matter how similar their souls may be. No matter how pretty and soft his light brown hair may be. No matter how beautiful he is, how gently he speaks, or even how his smile can make my whole day better. He won't ever notice how deep my love for everything about him is, he will never realize who puts little poems on his desk. He will never know all this. He can't. It would ruin my life plus he doesn't feel the same way, he never will. This is so hard, every time I'm with him I feel like I can't breathe, even tho we never even spoke. He spends all his time with Anne, Ruby, and Diana. I tend to be alone or with Gilbert. We are from two completely different worlds, so tell me god, why do I feel like he could know me more than anyone else? Mr. Philips is making fun of him again " We have a new girl" he said, these comments are so stupid, especially from someone like Mr. Philips and his dumb hair. Who does he think he is? This time I'm gonna say something.

My hand raised without thinking " Do you also want to join the girls Mr. Hunter ? " he asked me. " If that'll be necessary so we finally start to study, since that's what we are here for then sure, with pleasure. " I replied, it wasn't much of standing up for him but it was something right? He looked angry, his angry face is so funny, I need to hold myself back from laughing out loud. He looked a Cole and showed him with his look that he should sit back with the boys. Gil smiled at me. " Something funny Mr. Blythe?" He asked even more angry now. "Nothing, nothing at all". And the class finally started. it was pretty boring, plus I wasn't paying much attention since I've stared at Cole the whole class again. He was drawing the whole time, so I assume he wasn't really paying attention either. I think his drawings are so beautiful, he is talented, at least from what I can tell from this far. He sits two desks in front of me, so it's pretty far. I still can see some parts of them, he is so good. How can he be so good at everything? Is he perfect? Lunch break finally came along, I packed my stuff and waited for Gil to do the same, we walked outside to grab our lunch. Cole like always sat inside with the girls. I and Gil grabbed our lunch and went to sit a little far from the school, when we sat down I pulled up a cigarette and lit it up. " You know this could kill you one day right ?" Gil said a bit worried, "Yeah man I know, don't worry tho, I only have like two a day at max" " What about your painting sessions ? " he chuckled since he knew when I paint I smoke a lot, " Okay okay, I get your point sir, ill cut it out a bit "I laughed back. " Sooo you stood up for Cole today.." " I wouldn't call it "stood up".

COLES POV

"Did you see how he stood up for me today ?" I whispered excitedly to Anne, the only person that knew my secret. " Yes! I saw and hear everything! It was so romantic!" She whispered back, I couldn't help but wonder why, we never even spoke, he was popular, I wasn't. He had no reason to risk that Mr. Philips will make fun of him from now on as well. But he did, he risked a lot for me, why? He is amazing, I noticed him right away the first day I've seen him read in the backyard on lunch break a few months back, I completely get why he is so popular. He is kind and handsome, and smart. Everyone in the city loved him, especially the girls. He could pick any girl he wanted, tho he didn't really seem interested in dating or marriage at all. His family was rich, his mother was open-minded, he could do whatever he wanted. I don't think I ever will be that free, we are poor, I need to work after school to be able to make living for my family, I'm only lucky I got to school, we almost didn't have money for that either. It would be nice if we could be together, it would be easy and peaceful and I could finally be free, I feel like I could be free with him. These thoughts need to disappear tho, this happy ending won't be happening. " I'm going out for my drink" I said, it was just a dumb excuse to see him tho, to see how he sits next to Gilbert Blythe and smokes, I know smoking is bad for him but I can't help myself with thinking it looks kinda hot. I would never smoke, it tastes gross and it is expensive, plus my mom would kill me. His probably doesn't care, I think to myself, could it ever be me sitting next to him? Sitting on the cold ground next to him, talking about life and our worries and things that makes us happy, and everything else between. Maybe even hold hands, no definitely not that, I'm getting way ahead of myself. I can't wish for the impossible. I step outside and close the door after myself. I go to grab my milk that's cooling down in the small river next to the school. As I look around I can see them, they sit there and laugh, his laugh is so pretty, I wish he laughed like that with me. I softly smile to myself and walk back inside.

THOMASES POV

"Seriously stop that!" I laugh punching Gil in the shoulders. "It's true tho! You basically have hearts in your eyes when you see him!!" "No, I don't dude!" We both keep laughing, he keeps fun of me like that often. And I make fun of him for having a crush on Anne so we are kinda even, at least he actually has a chance. We saw one of the boys waving at us to come back. " The break cant be over this soon right?" I ask confused. " Definitely not, something is up." We get up quickly and walk towards the school. "What's up, guys?" He asks. "The girls started a notice board!" "And? Why should we care, it's not like I'm gonna put something there" Cole and others walked outside, Anne wanted to say something but Billy cut her out by saying " What do you mean not put anything there? Don't you like girls ?" I completely froze, " Of course I do! "I almost yelled, smart move really.

COLES POV

"Of course I do!" He yelled, yeah of course he does. I feel like crying. "I'm just not looking for any girl right now.." he added to that. Yeah.. girl. Anne gave me a sad look, I hate myself, why did I have to fall for someone who likes women. Am I that unlucky? I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation over my thoughts. They all walked to look at the board. I just went inside to grab my notebook and pencils, I need to draw something. I sat down on the grass at the back of my school. The only thing in my head was him, so I drew him, his fluffy raven hair, his freckles, and his beautiful smile. Every little detail of him. I was paying so much attention to the drawing that I didn't hear someone coming to me from behind. "Wow I never thought I look that dumb in others' eyes" he laughed. I froze. This can't be happening, please tell me it's not happening. "Hey, are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you" I kept quiet. He set down next to me, his hair falling in his eyes. I brought myself to finally say something. "Ehh sorry, you almost gave me a heart attack, what are you even doing here?" He scratched his neck " I noticed you weren't at the board, so I was wondering where you went" Is he nervous? "It's really good by the way" he smiled. That damn smile is going to kill me one day. My heart was beating so fast I couldn't almost hear what he said. " Thanks." That was the only thing I could come up with? Really? I'm so lame. " Well.. now that I know you are okay, ill go back, sorry to bother the artist while working." He got up and left as fast as he came. Shit, I messed that one up, nice one Cole. You finally got the chance to talk to him and you completely screwed up. He probably thinks I'm even lamer now.