He is the poem I wanted to write// rewriting

lunch

COLES POV

Is this really happening? I feel like I can't breathe. I've never been so close to him, till a few days back I didn't even talk to him. I can't believe what's been happening these past days. First, he stands up for me now this? Is it possible he could like me? Or be my friend at least? I hardly doubt he could like someone like me. But just the idea of him wanting to be my friend is so exciting. I could get closer to him, I could get to know him. Talk to him on his way home. Sit on the ground far from school every lunch break. I could know who he is. How is he doing every day, his deepest thoughts and worries? I could be like Gilbert. Could I be this close to him? Is there a possibility? Or am I just going crazy imagining things that aren't there cause I'm so desperate to be liked by him? It's probably that, but still, I want to keep hoping. I look at him, sitting right next to me with his head resting on the school wall. Eyes closed. Slowly smoking a cigarette. He is even more beautiful from up close. I could just now notice how many freckles he has. His dark curly hair is almost so long it covered his eyes. His hair looks so soft. God damn, am I staring for too long? I turn back and look at the trees that were covered in sunlight and take a deep breath. Everything feels so comfortable now. It always does with him around. "So.. what's up with you? That you needed to be alone if I can ask?„ Okay, I take it back, it's freaking me out to actually talk to him. My heart is beating so fast, that I can't even form a thought. "It's okay, you don't have to talk about it, I just thought I could ask.„ He is so considerate, I smile for myself and finally form a sentence. "It's okay, I honestly don't know. Just felt kinda overwhelmed? By all the people and stuff..„ Ah, why am I bothering him with these stupid worries? He probably just asked to be nice. He doesn't actually care. "Yeah, I know that feeling don't worry. It usually helps me to go out and smoke for a bit, do you want one?„ I turn at him and see a cigarette in his hand offering to me to take it. I don't smoke, but he'll probably think I'm lame if I won't, I slowly nod and take it. After that he gives me a lighter, damn those are expensive these days. He is definitely rich. I put the cigarette in my mouth and lit it up like I saw my mother do. As I hand him back the lighter I take a small inhale. And start to cough. Holy shit that burns. I can't stop coughing. I look even more stupid now. I can see on him how he started to panic. "Holy shit dude you should have just said you don't smoke. Are you alright? Drink this it'll help with the weird sore pain." He takes the cigarette from my hand and puts it in his mouth while handing me a bottle of something. I take a few sips. It really does help, and it tastes so good damn. What even is that? "Better? You can drink some more if you need to.„ I look up and smile softly at him. "Yeah better, thank you and sorry I did waste that cigarette." He let out a small laugh, is he laughing at me? "Come on no need to apologize, plus you didn't waste it, it's still smokeable." He smiles and takes an inhale. Oh my god does he not mind if it was in my mouth before? That's basically the same thing as if we kissed. Wait, was I drinking from his bottle too? I can feel the panic coming up. "Hey, you okay? You look kinda red? Please tell me you are not allergic to citrus." Is that what I drank? "Oh no, I'm okay, I'm not allergic or anything. This is really good by the way." I hand the bottle back to him. "Off, you almost gave me a heart attack, I thought I would have to save your life here" He laughs again, I can't help myself but giggle too. It's a kinda funny thing to imagine. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you or anything." He puts his bottle back into his bag and looks at me with a weird look in his eyes. Kinda as if he was scanning me. Did he realize that I was just freaking out about sharing a bottle with him? Please lord no. "You realize you apologize a lot?" Oh.. do I? "Do I?„ He puts his hair behind his ear. "Yes you do, even for stuff, you don't need to apologize for. Seriously you apologized to me like five times already." Oh, that is kinda weird of me to do. I just don't want to mess it up with him. I have never realized it could sound weird. I look down embarrassed of myself. Damn it, I'm messing up again. "Hey no, don't be sad about that, it's nothing bad. You just don't have to apologize to me so often, really you've done nothing wrong at all. Alright?" He is so nice to me. I don't deserve this. I nod and keep looking down. "I mean it, Cole just relax okay? I'm not here to judge you for anything." He says my name so nicely. I look at him and smile. No one has ever been this nice to me, except for Anne. It means more than he can realize, especially from him. "Alright, yeah, I just didn't want to act weird or something. A lot of people already think I'm weird." Damn it, I didn't mean to say that. It sounds so sad and like I'm desperate to be liked. And I'm, only by him though. But that's not something I want him to know. "It's okay, I get it honestly. You should just forget about those people though, they are obviously dumb." He scratches his neck and looks away. "For what it's worth, I think you are pretty awesome." He thinks what?! Did he really say that? Doesn't he really think that? Does he really think I'm awesome?! I just sit there, shocked, and from how I feel the blood going up in my face probably completely red. I can't bring myself to say anything. There are too many thoughts in my head, I just want to scream from how excited I'm. The only thing I bring myself to say is. "Really?" Still looking into the ground completely red, I can hear him cough a bit as if he wanted to say something important. "Really awesome, talented, and definitely smarter than half of the people in that classroom." Now I can't move, does he really think of me that way? I can't even begin to form a thought. I'm just shocked. And happy, all I can feel is this incredible happiness and butterflies in my stomach. I can't help myself but smile.