He is the poem I wanted to write// rewriting

A good day?

chp3

*Next day*

THOMASES POV

I was staring at my new painting, something wasn't right with it. I spent a lot of time working on it. But still, it seems it's not what I wanted when I started painting it. It looks lonely and sad, it's not supposed to look like that. It's a beautiful place in the forest, full of sunlight, with a little waterfall and filled with flowers. I discovered this place after school. The painting though? Doesn't look like it at all. It looks scary, without any life, and just like it's not done yet. Even tho it is, it is done. There is nothing more to add. It's exactly like the place, so what's up with the energy it's giving? I got up angrily and grabbed another cigarette, I smoked like fifteen already, what's wrong with me? I promised Gil ill stop smoking so much during painting. But I can't help myself, this is making me flustered. Maybe I just suck at painting, yeah that's probably it. I lit up the cigarette and looked out of the window. The sky is starting to turn a bit lighter, please tell me I didnt stay up all night again. I ran up to my closet where I had my pocket watch. Of course, I did, damn it. I placed my watch back and decided that I need coffee to get through another day in that classroom, I walked as quietly as possible down the stairs to the second floor. I stopped for a little to check if my mom is asleep, she was snoring so I guess I'm safe. I made my way to the second stairs leading to the ground floor. I couldn't see anything, I pulled out my lighter and kept walking, as I got through the door leading to the kitchen. I closed the door after me and lit up a few candles. After finishing the whole making coffee process, I went back to my room with the biggest cup I found. My head started to hurt as I sat down at the study table. Of course ill have a migraine after not sleeping the whole night, why am I even surprised? I sipped some coffee while looking at my board full of sketches, some buildings, people, and nature. Mostly the farm, school and people like Gilbert, Jerry, Diana and of course... Cole. His face was the most seen on that board, damn I feel like a creep. Maybe it should stop obsessing over him. I don't stand chance anyway. I'm not that dumb to even hope for that. So I could shorten my pain by leaving him alone. It would be the best for both of us. But I can't, I love him. I shouldn't but I do, I should get myself treated. I'm sick, this is not the way a boy should feel. Nobody will ever love me, I can't even love myself. So many negative thoughts kept showing up and screaming over each other, I should just stop dreaming about Cole, it's not good for me. I feel addicted, and maybe I'm. He is the only person that can make my day so much better just by being nearby. It's like cigarettes, I feel relieved when I see him or even hear his voice from the other side of the class. I take another long sip, Jesus christ what do I do? I tried praying it away, but it didnt work, am I just lost? I don't want to give up on myself, Gilbert says it's okay and I should not feel like a freak, that love is always good, no matter who you love. But most of the others seem to think differently. I need to stop overthinking it, there are more important things, like school, taking care of my family, helping Gil and Sebastian work, and lots of other stuff. I never planned to get married anyway. I finished my coffee and got up, I need to get ready. I walked to my closet and picked something to wear, today I want to look good. At least so I can have a good feeling about myself. I grabbed my bag and put everything inside. After all that I sat down in front of my mirror, and picked up a small bag, it was from France and my mom gave it to me last year. It was full of some female products, like make-up or something. I never wanted to be a female but this stuff was actually pretty useful, I wish someday I could do something more extra. But that belongs to the stuff I cant do. So for now I only put on the stuff that looks natural. Like right now I'm fixing the dark circles under my eyes and adding some freckles. Not anything big but it changes a lot. I take a deep breath and fix my hair. I really do look good today, dark pants, a black shirt, and a dark green sweater. Greenstuff matches my eyes, maybe that's why I look so good. I put some shoes on and grabbed my bag. I blew out the candles and walked downstairs. My mother was already making some breakfast. "Goodmorningg" I smiled at her. "Oh good morning honey, I hope you slept well, I made you food for school already. It's on the table, and I assume you will have breakfast at Gilbert's?" I nodded, "Yes, thank you for the food." I picked up something in a napkin and a bottle of lemonade and placed them in my bag. I walked out of the house, and the sun was already shining. It was a nice day, I could smell the blooming flowers and the slightly wet grass. I walked with a lot of energy on my feet. Today feels like it's going to be a good day, with no clouds in the pastel blue sky, and nice warm wind. Nothing can ruin this for me. I got to Gils' house in less than 10 minutes and opened the front door. Sebastian was sitting at the table with a mug and some bread. " Good morning there mister Thomas, don't bother knocking" He smiled while making fun of me, I chatted with him for a little bit and then went to wake up Gilbert. I knocked on the door and I heard a frustrated "come in!„ from the inside. I opened the door and I noticed the piles of clothes on the floor. What the hell is he doing? He was standing in front of his closet and looked desperate. "Em, hey man, what's up?" He turned around and looked at the clothes on the floor. "What's up? What is up is that I have NOTHING to wear." I had to laugh, he never really cared about his outfits, what's up with him? "Dude, you have like hundreds of possible combinations. Plus since when do you care about how you look? I thought I was the girly one here." I kept giggling. " Since I want Anne to like me, remember? I'm doomed, nothing looks good. You have a good eye for that right? Help mee" He sounded like a child that needs help to get anything done, Jesus Christ this guy is going to be the end of me. "Fine, I'll figure something out, make me breakfast." He thanked me and ran to the kitchen, from where I could hear Bash laughing at him. These two idiots. I smiled and started searching for something he would like. I ended up with dark pants, a white shirt, and some brown vest over that. It matches his hair and eyes well. I grabbed the whole fit and went to the kitchen. He was sitting down at the table and eating, I threw the whole thing at him and sat down next to Sebastian. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are my savior." Sebastian laughed, "Damn right I'm." he went to change and I started to clean dishes after breakfast. When I had that done I grabbed my stuff, yelled at Gil to hurry, said my goodbyes to Bash, and walked out. I pulled out a cigarette and placed it behind my ear. Gil walked out just a minute after me. "I look amazing!" I looked him up and down and yeah he did. "I know, picking out outfits is just one of many of my talents" He laughed and we went to school.