He is the poem I wanted to write// rewriting

a visit

COLES POV

The school is taking forever, or at least it seems like forever, I can't wait to see Tom, I'm really worried about him. I'm still kinda nervous to come there by myself. I feel like it would be weird, we are still not that close. I should ask Anne and Diana to go with me after class. That could work out, Diana is probably also interested in his state since they are probably a thing now. Honestly, I don't care at this point, I just want him to be okay. I keep staring down at my desk and hands. So many questions and worries in my head. After what feels like hours Mr. Philips finally lets us go home. I pack my stuff as fast as I can and I rust to Anne and Diana. "Hey, um would you come with me to check on what happened to Thomas?" They look at each other. "I'm sorry I can't today, I have to go home and practice playing on the piano. But tell him I hope he is alright." Diana replies and smiles softly. "I'll go with you." Anne says and I feel so relieved I don't have to go alone. I don't even really know where he lives. We walk outside and Diana goes her way. "Soo.. tell me what happened on that break! It was so tragically romantic how he stood up for you!" I smile a bit. I'm glad Anne was open to excepting me even with my secret.

.....

"I can't believe that happened! It's almost like from some romantic book! He definitely likes you too!" Please Anne don't give me false hope. "It was really nice, all that he had done for me. I still don't get why, I don't think he likes me back. And even if, it's still not a reason to do so much." She thinks for a bit and then looks at me even more excited. "I think, that if you love someone you would do all kinds of stuff for them. No matter how little sense they make." Yeah, I would do everything for that boy. But I don't even begin to think love could be the reason why he would do all that. "I don't know Anne, how could he feel like that about me? I'm nothing special, even if he would like boys, which is on its own a little chance, why me?" "Cole you are amazing! And if he does like boys he has many reasons to like you!" I don't know about that. It still seems so impossible, I think me and Anne are both reading too much into it. "I don't know.." She wants to say something to that but stops, shocked just says. "We are here." I look up from my feet and see that house. Or a mansion? What even is that? Why is it so big? "Oh my lord." "This is so exciting! His house looks so fancy! It's so romantic!" Yeah, it also means his a completely different class than me. One more reason why he can't like me. We walk faster, and within a minute we are at the front door. I'm so nervous, why did I even come here? It's so embarrassing. As I want to say to Anne that maybe we should leave she already knocks. Damn it. After seconds a tall dark-haired woman opens the door. I'm assuming that's Toms mom, she looks a lot like him. And she is beautiful. "Um hello, we are here to check up on Thomas? He didn't feel well earlier in class?" I say. She smiles, her smile is just as welcoming as his. I see where he got it from. "Oh yes, you are such sweethearts. You can come in and see him if you want, he is much better now." COME IN? I can't just come into his house. His room. It feels so weird for me to just storm in there. "That's so nice of you, we would love that, of course, if it isn't any trouble. I'm Anne by the way, with an e. It's so nice to meet you." We are really coming in? Ahh. "It's nice to meet you too Anne, I love finally seeing some other friends than just young Blythe. I was worried my son is lonely in school. And you would be?" She looks my way. Wait, is he lonely in school? Does he feel lonely only having Gilbert? Or does he just wants more friends? I thought everyone loved him, how could he be lonely? "I- I'm Cole Mackenzie, it's nice to meet you, Mrs. Hunter." I need to make a good impression. "Oh, that Cole?" THAT COLE? Does he talk about me? Anne looks at me shocked and within seconds turns back to his mother smiling. "The one and only." His mom now looks like if she said something she shouldn't have. "Just come in dears, he is upstairs in his room. You walk all the way into the last floor and see a staircase leading to the attic." The attic? He lives there? We both nod and thank her, as we walk around the house we both can see that even when it is this big, it still looks homey and welcoming. We go up to the first stairs, the first floor has so many rooms, what is this place? A hotel? We get up to another floor, there are only halfways heading to other rooms. And at the end of one of them, we see the staircase leading up to the attic. "It is truly so beautiful here, and it's just so amazing that he lives up there. It's like he is so close to the sky, you know." I don't reply, I'm amazed by the whole house. We walk to the staircase and I go first up. I can feel my body shaking a bit. I shouldn't have come here. It's so embarrassing. When I get to the trap door that's on the top I knock. "Yeah?! Come in!" He is there. I mean of course Cole he is there. But I didn't realize he actually is there until now. That I actually get to go into his room and talk to him again. I always wondered what his room looks like. I push the trap door up and walk inside. I don't look at him, I just wait for Anne to get there, and then I look up. To avoid having to say something awkward before she gets here. After looking up and seeing the whole room I'm even more shocked than I was from the whole house. It's huge, there are big windows around the whole roof so you can look at the sky. There is a huge bed at the one end. Table at the other together with two huge wardrobes and a big mirror. The rest of the room is full of boxes with pain, big papers, and canvases. There is a huge board filled with pencil-drawn sketches too. It looks like a place where some famous artists would live. I can also notice that he has electricity here. That's really rare. He is sitting on the floor looking at some painting in Infront of him. His back to us. He has a white shirt and white pants on, dirty from paint. "Em, no clue why are you standing there for so long but you can like, talk? You know." I just now realize we both have been standing there and not saying a word. This is already so embarrassing oh my god. "Um hey Thomas, me and Cole came to check up on you, are you feeling better?." The moment she finishes he turns our way. His hair is in a small bun, with only a few of his hair in the back and front sticking out, that's so cute. "Oh.. sorry if I was rude, I thought it was like Gil or something. It's surprising me that you came, but I appreciate it don't get me wrong." He laughs, gets up, and walks up to us. "You guys don't have to just stand there like in a museum, you can get comfortable here. " He giggles, and picks up a paintbrush from the floor, and places it into a cup full of brushes on the table. "Also sorry for the mess here, I don't usually get visitors." I finally bring myself to say something. "It's okay, you have a really nice room I have to say. So are you feeling better?" He realizes he didn't reply the first time. "Oh yeah, sorry, I'm feeling okay, it was just my body being too tired. Sorry if I made you worried." Why was he so tired though? "I really didn't mean for you to come all this way." He actually looks like he feels bad about it. "It's alright, I'm really happy I got to see your house, it is so romantically looking!" Anne says excitedly again, I hope he won't think anything bad about her like most people does. That would be terrible, but he isn't the type of person to do so. "Oh, well thank you, ma'am, I do agree it looks interesting here. You describe it better though." He smiles, ah that damn smile. I knew he would be okay with Anne. He is such a nice person. "Oh my god! You have so many books here! That's so exciting!!" He giggles. "Yeah, I do own a lot. You can look into them, and see if you like anything." She almost screams out of happiness and rushes to the bookshelf I noticed just now. And he walks up to me. What now? What do I do? I can't move. "So Cole, can I ask you something?" What? I just nod a bit and look at him, he looks so? Excited? But differently, then I've seen him excited before. "So as an artist, could you help me out?" An artist? Since when have I been the artist here? "I believe you would be the artist here Tom." I smile and realize what I said, nobody called him Tom. Only Gilbert, it was like the way close friends called him. Shit shit shit. What is wrong with me? I can't even think before I speak. "Well, let's say we both are alright? Come look at this painting. I've been working on it for some time, but even tho it's done it doesn't look done." He didn't react in any way, does that mean he doesn't mind? Or is he just being nice again? Or maybe he just didn't realize. I went to look at the painting he had on the floor. It was of some nice forest place, there was a river and a sun shining through the top of the trees. It looked done, but kinda sad and lonely. I don't know what it was about it that looked that way though, it was beautiful. I sat down and kept looking at it, basically scanning it with my eyes. He is a really good painter that's for sure. But I kinda already knew that. Just from seeing some of his drawings. "Can I paint into it or do you want me to just say what I would do?" It feels kinda rude to be putting my hands on something he took work in, but he asked for help so I guess it's fine. "Go for it, I have some brushes at my table, I get so you some paint." I got up and went over to that table, I took a glance at the sketch board and my heart stopped. Why are there so many sketches of me?! There were a lot of other people but I couldn't help but notice how many times I was there. I can feel the blood rushing into my face. Shit. I look over at him and see him on the other side of the room. He is crouching down looking into some box filled with paint bottles, picking the right shades. I look back, I feel tempted to take one and look at it, it's mostly from school. As if he was practicing catching me and specific moments. His sketch work is really good too. I almost feel pretty as I look at it for longer. Then, Anne screams. "OH GOD, you have the original copy of this?!" He looks up and checks what book she has in her hands and lets out a small chuckle. "Well yeah, you like her books too?" "Are you kidding me?! Of course, I do, she is the most romantic writer! I only got a glimpse of her book at Diana's house but it looked so tragical!" He tilted his head confusingly to the side. He is so adorable, his hair fell into his face a bit and he blew them off. "So you didn't read the whole thing?" I can tell Anne feels a bit judged, books are expensive and her family doesn't have as much money. "No.." He puts down some paint he picked out. "Take it then." She opens her eyes wildly. He is so sweet, he probably doesn't realize how much that means to her. But again, he doesn't overall realize how much he does for people. "Are you serious?!" "Well, of course, it's a great book and I probably won't be reading it again. So you should take it, books are meant for reading after all." He looks my way, damn it. I didn't even get a chance to find the brushes. I look back at him and he walks up to me. "Em, what's up? You look kinda shocked." What do I say? "I just, I'm just shocked of how good can you draw." I look back at the sketches. Bad idea, now he will start talking about it and I will get even more embarrassed. "Ohhh, thank you. It must look weird that you are there so many times right? I promise I'm not like a creep or something." He looks a bit embarrassed by the fact that I noticed. I didn't mean to put him in that type of situation, I really can't do anything right can I? "Don't worry, I don't think you are a creep, it's good work. It makes me feel... I don't know? Seen? I would never think someone would take time even looking my way." I feel like im telling him too much, I look desperate now like I want people's attention. But overall it just makes me feel so happy to know I got his attention, even for just a few minutes while sketching. "Oh, well im glad it does, honestly Cole I don't see why anyone wouldn't want to look at you." He puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles. What is he doing? I feel like I can't breathe, and all that just because of those few words and a hand on my shoulder? It's really easy for me to get flustered around him. He doesn't even realize what he is doing to me. These moments give me hope he might feel the same way. That's not good for me, he doesn't. I can't blindly hope for that. I look down again, desperately trying to hide my red face. "Look, I get it. We all get insecure sometimes, I do too. There is nothing wrong with that." I smile a bit. "You? What could you get insecure about? Seriously it is unfair how great-looking you are." I can tell he tenses up, damn it, I didnt mean to say that! It must look like im totally into him. He probably won't want to do anything with me now. He sits at the table, the opposite way im standing. Looking into the room. "Trust me cole, we all have things we are insecure about. I sometimes don't feel like im worth looking at for one second." He sounds so sad, I didnt mean to bring up such a deep theme for him. "But why? You are good-looking, nice and you have Diana." He laughs. "Diana?" Are they not going out? "Um... well I thought you two were like, a thing?" "Well I see how people could think that, but no. I and Diana are not a thing, we only go out for those lame tea parties so her parents don't make her marry some idiot. It's more like a friend helping out situation, she doesn't like me, and no offense but I don't like her either." Oh... "Sorry, I totally misunderstood that." He looks at the sketch board and picks up one of the drawings and hands it to me. "It's alright, just promise me you won't be so hard on yourself. You are handsome too, look." I look at the sketch, It's me, just sitting and drawing something. I take the sketch. "You think so?" He ruffles my hair. "Yes, now let's go Mr. artist I still need your help." He thinks Im handsome...