I was in the kitchen of my human parent's house in my underwear eating furniture when my mom went in and yelled
"Randy you're a 20 year old man! Stop eating furniture!"
I got on all fours and looked up at her and as calmly as possible and I told her,
"But I'm a horse..."
"You're not a horse you're a disappointment!"
"And you're not giving me that sandwich I asked for 30 minutes ago.
"Get out of my house!"
And that was the last I saw of her. She abandoned her duties to take care of me when I was only a 20 year old horse. I was only 20, it's not like I knew any better. I was a victim in this situation, I did absolutely nothing wrong. My mom is just so evil and mean.
I wandered the streets of New York city, sad and alone. Everywhere I go people yelling at me to put on some clothes, go on indeed.com and go into the dark alley with them, but I couldn't do any of those things, because I was a horse.
I felt hopeless, until one day a wise old man with nothing on but a trash bag on his waist with his legs poking out of two holes saw me and said
"You know if you rub mayonnaise on your belly it makes your toes grow bigger?"
I couldn't quite understand this man's old, wise dialect, but I think he is saying that the jungle is taken over by an evil dictator, and it's up to me to over throw them and become the rightful king.
"I'll do it!" I announced.
"Okay then, I'll go get the mayonnaise from my diaper!" The wise man said.
He reached into the back of the trash bag where his butt was, and pulled out a jar of mayonnaise.
I took the mayonnaise and ran off to the nearest highway, and there I found trees, so I knew it must be the jungle.
I saw a group of raccoons trying to steal a stick from a wolf, the raccoons tugging on the stick from one side and the wolf on the other. That's when I knew, the wolf must be the evil dictator, and the raccoons must be it's oppressed peoples, so I tore the stick from their mouths with my bare hands and valiantly smacked the wolf with the stick. The raccoons quivered in respect as I grew wings and a horn. I was now an alicorn, and the king of the jungle. I declared that my name is no longer Randy, I am now, SNAILSLIVEONJUPITER.
Below is a self portrait I made with materials I found in the dumpster
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