"So, what's your plan?"
I put down all my shopping bags in the bed and sat in front of my study table. I opened the camera of my phone to transfer the call into videocall.
"I don't know, I'm nervous," I giggled opposite to what I just said.
"I don't agree with this, Cleo Tatiana, this might hurt you!" she said worriedly.
I shook my head – trying to assure her. I know she'd react this way.
"It won't. I'll be fine, Yvonne. I've been with Ethan for years. He won't hurt me."
"Have you forgotten that you two has been away to each other for seven years? Many years have passed!"
"Just trust me with this. I know what I'm doing."
"Marriage is not a joke, Cleo Tatiana. What if... what if..."
"What if I can't win his heart?" I continued on her behalf. "I'm still going to ask him, Yvonne and there's only a twenty to thirty percent that he'd say yes. Can't we just cross the bridge when we get there?" I asked gently.
I know exactly where Yvonne is coming from. She knows how crazy can I get when it comes to Ethan. So, seeking for her approval to ask Ethan for marriage is probably scaring the hell out of her. She's like this because she's worried.
Marrying someone you love is probably the most realistic fantasy of life – at least for me. But for Yvonne, sending me off to someone who does not love me will be my lifetime punishment. She thinks that I will be imprisoned in an unfair marriage.
"What if he says yes?"
"Don't get my hopes up, Yvonne."
"You know that I'm not. But... what if... just in case... then, you'll be trapped in a one-sided love," I looked at her warmly. She seems to be confused and careful on what word to use so I will not be offended.
Her words make me wonder. Ethan is not the type of person that can be forced. He makes wise decisions and he is firm with his beliefs and principles. I always admire his honesty and righteousness. We may be apart for years but I know that he won't do something bad or anything that will trample and hurt someone. That's how I've known him and that did not change. Watching and observing him since he came back makes me confident.
Honestly, I already have an idea on what his answer would be. But I don't want to regret, so, I'm trying my luck out. Of course, I have my hope for this. But I've been loving Ethan for decades and my feelings has never been reciprocated. I've accepted long ago that it will always be a one-sided. The only reason why I'm doing this is because I want to confess through marriage. We are too old to date and I feel like asking for marriage is the most sincere way to tell how I feel. Asking someone for marriage means that you will devote your life for that person in this lifetime and I've dedicated almost all my life to him, so I think this the best way to express my feelings.
"If he says yes, then, it means he loves me. He does not play with feelings. If there's one great thing about Ethan, he's brave to say 'no' regardless of whom. He's considerate, thus, he won't give me an answer that will make me suffer."
I chuckled when she rolled her eyes.
"Here we go again. So, you're saying that you're expecting a 'yes' for an answer?" She asked almost hysterical.
"No."
Her forehead creased.
"But that's the most considerate answer that he could give! That's the only way not to hurt you."
"I'm doing this because I know he'd say no, Yvonne," I looked down as I spoke. I'm starting to feel bad for myself. "I'm doing this so I could put an end with this feeling without regrets. I can't move forward if 'what ifs' and regrets will keep on holding me back. It's not like Ethan to say 'yes' out of pity. He knows the responsibility that marriage bears. He knows that it will make the both parties suffer if the love is not involved or if it is one-sided. He won't make a reckless decision."
