All my life, I've always imagined myself walking in the aisle, holding my father's arm, leading me to the man whom I entrusted my heart.
"Dad, when I get married, I want everything to be filled with gold."
My dad's forehead creased when he heard me saying those.
"What? You're still eight, Cleo Tatiana. What are you saying?"
His voice sounds serious and he even lifted his right eyebrow. I pouted.
We are both sitting in the living room. He was reading a newspaper and I was watching my favorite fairytale when I got bored and my imagination run wild.
"Hmmm, hmmm. Can't you just say yes, daddy?"
I whined and cling my small hands to his arm.
He stared at me for a second before he finally put down the newspaper. I smiled widely when he scooped me and placed me in between his thighs.
"I can't seem to say yes, sweetheart."
He said with his tender voice and pinched my nose. I frowned.
"Why? It is because I'm still young? Don't worry, daddy. I'm still looking for my prince."
I heard him chuckled.
"There is no prince that's deserving for my princess, sweetheart. Even when you grow up, you should not settle for anyone."
"Even Ethan?"
"Even Et - What?!"
I laughed out loud when I saw his eyes grew bigger. He breath a heavily sigh.
"Do you like Ethan, my princess?"
I nodded and reached for his both cheeks.
My father has always been my standard. He's kind, successful and loving. He may be strict but he still allows me to enjoy life. He guides me, he protects me, he loves me with all his heart.
You see, I am an only child. I lost my mom when I was four, but never in my life I feel incomplete because of him. My mom's death hurt him more than I, I know. But he chose to set aside his misery and grievance for me.
He's my only family. And, I always admire him for raising me into a fine woman.
"Why gold, sweetheart?"
From the brochure of wedding gowns, I looked at my father who's sitting with the same sofa that we used to sit on when I was still a child. But this time, something has changed.
For the years that had passed, a gap has built between us. I don't know how it happened, but we lost our home. I lost my home.
I think I was just eighteen when it happened? He rarely comes home. He's always busy. And I, I was left alone.
Days, weeks, months, I waited. I missed him but he always has something to do, he always has excuses to leave. We lost our time together. Until I become so used to it.
He tried. I know he tried to make it up. But it's too late. I got tired hoping for his promises. My heart gave up because of the constant failure and disappointment. And when he finally had some time to spare and fulfill those broken words, I'm already beyond grasped. I slipped away.
"Because I am worthy, Dad. So is Ethan. Gold is treasure. So is our memories. And this marriage will be the box that will keep those we love, value and treasure in our lives. Gold symbolizes wealth, Daddy. I want this marriage to be wealthy in love."
I looked away after saying that. There's a longing in his eyes that I can't take for long. I missed it, too. I missed our old days. But how do I find my way back?
