Light of Depression

Friends

Friends are amazing, complicated and vulnerable factors upon your life. Upon mine as well. My friends, of whom I know are real friends, know one of my philosophies, and work with it and implement it in our friendship: Depression is a pit we have to climb out of, and we all climb together. If one slips, the others will do anything to make sure that person does not fall into the abyss. Sure, they will fall down, before they are caught. And they fall down until the very bottom ledge. If they are not caught at that moment, then they commit suicide. If they are caught, they have to start climbing all over again from the bottom; 0 days clean.

Many of my friends are depressed or have been depressed. One might say that this is not a good thing, because we would be bringing each other down. They are right. If one falls, and someone tries to catch them, it is a very good possibility that that person is pulled down with them. However, friendship requires understanding. And someone who does not have any personal experience with depression would never be able to fully understand someone who does. Therefore, to be real and true friends, they must either both have that experience, or neither of them have that experience. There are exceptions to this. I have only one friend who does not have an experience with depression, and we are true friends; that I know for sure.

Friendship is a bond between people which is unstable, vulnerable and yet incredibly powerful. It can be manipulated by others. It can be torn apart by events. It can blossom into something more, or wither to something less. Sometimes, that blossoming precedes only the withering. If it wasn't clear yet, in normal language; I am describing how a relationship which builds up from a friendship can either strengthen that bond intensely or break it in the end. When a relationship is broken and falls apart, and the two persons involved can still remain friends, then they either never loved each other, or still have feelings for each other. Of course, one thing can count for one person whilst the other counts for the other person.

Having friends is important. They are the family you choose to have. Some of my friends have grown as close to me as brothers and sisters. I adore them, I love them. They love me back. We accept each other as we'd like to be accepted. It is a mutual understanding, bond, love and respect. It is a tree of thick branches, fresh leafs and deep roots. I feel safe in it. I trust the branches not to break. I climb and climb, day by day. But my weight might be too much to hold me in place.

I have been thinking about many things in relation to my friends. I know that some of my friends will be reading this entry. Some might do that immediately when it is posted, and some might do it a few days later. It does not matter to me. As my friends will read this, they will feel addressed. This is no illusion, because they are about to be.

You guys are simply the most awesome people I have ever met. And I haven't even known most of you for the better part of a year. But I already know, just by these last few months, that you are the friends I want to keep.

Two of you even came by my house tonight. That's something which I have never had before. I have been one of the biggest loners of my class these last years. I've tried to find a place where I could fit in, and now I realise, it's right here, in front of me. I feel embraced by you, and I really love all of you. I was foolish to think that you would be better off without me, and I'm writing this to keep as a note for the future, and this counts for all of us. If you ever feel like you are a negative influence on the group, come here and read these words, written by someone who thought that as well, merely hours ago. We need each other. We create a stable ground as a group, so that every individual in our group can grow to their full potential and maybe even to their full happiness. I care about every single one of you guys, I really do. And I wouldn't miss you for the world.