Light of Depression

Love

Some of you may have seen this coming. For others, this is a surprise. It doesn’t really matter if it is or not. I am not very experienced in this area of expertise. I have never made love to someone before. I have never sealed that bond. I’ve never even had relationship that lasted for a month or longer. Yes, I am pretty pathetic. But my wisdom of love is something that I can share nonetheless. Maybe some of you may have use for it. Maybe you are way ahead of me.

This is a blog about depression. About how complicated it is. About how it influences someone’s life in many ways. And there are countless of ways that depression can influence. It can influence your way of thinking, or the way you wake up in the morning, or the way you eat, or the way you spend your day, or the way you sleep at night. So many things that all contribute to your sub-consciousness.

Love is just as complicated as life or depression. It lies deep within the roots of the mind. Roots which are intertwined differently in everyone’s mind. Love knows no gender, or age, or disability. It’s blind in that way.

I just compared love to life and to depression. These things are equal on so many levels. But there is one difference. One big difference. Love can be so much more painful when it goes wrong.

When life goes wrong, there is a way out. You can spend your life avoiding responsibility, and you’ll achieve nothing, but someone who is not ambitious will not be sad about such a thing.  

When depression goes wrong, there is a way out. I know I shouldn’t say it, but if you read my warning at the beginning of this blog and you’re still reading this, then you shouldn’t have a problem with it. The easy way out is suicide. You cut yourself loose from all strings and bonds, and you cannot be held responsible afterwards. You simply leave everything behind and fall into an endless abyss of relief.

That is where we come to love. There is no way out of love if it fails. There is no such thing as relief or avoidance. When you reach the point in a relationship when you truly love someone, and that fails, then you are stuck forever. You are trapped in cage of sorrow and heartbreak. And you will try so much to break through that cage, and reach the person on the other side of that wall. You will punch that wall, over and over, until your knuckles bleed, and you won’t stop even then. You will only stop when the skin of your hands has eroded completely and your fingers are broken and your knuckles are shattered. You will cry so many tears that it fills up your cage and starts to drown you, and you will not stop crying until it does. You will scream to try and bring the message over to the other side, until your vocal chords are torn and your throat is bleeding, and you’re choking on your own blood.

In the meantime, that person, on the other side of the wall, wherever he/she may be, will not forget you completely. That is what the hardest part in the end is. They are still in reach, but they are not yours to have anymore. You failed. You missed your chance. If they were to forget about you, you would at least know that it is over, and that you’ve no longer got a chance. If they interact with you every day, whilst you are in that cage, then you will still have the faintest and most painful hope that it could be something more. But it won’t be.

Love is a complicated thing. As complicated as life and depression. Only once someone has felt it, they can never fully let go of that feeling, whereas one can let go of living and of suffering.