Light of Depression

The Blindness

What is depression, really? They say that when you are depressed, you can no longer feel happiness. But a depressed person can feel happiness. When they are with special people, who they really like. This could be family, friends, or a loved one. They don’t become “un-depressed” for a few hours, and then become depressed again. No, they are depressed whilst they enjoy it. Even with the weight of depression resting upon them, they can rise to joy, laughter and love.

My own theory is that depressed people are the wisest and humblest people on earth. Why? Because they are far, far below the rest. At least, they see themselves that way. They are in the dark. Like it has been said in the part “Life”, the enlightened live in the dark, and the blind live in the light. That is the light of happiness. Happiness blinds one from the lesser things. There are exceptions to this, of course. Do not assume that every happy person does not know what life is really like.

Pure life, not taken care of, unattended by the hands of others, is horrible. Pure life only gives things to take them away again. It gave me a father, and took him away, long before I expected it to. It gave me a sister, who left the house at the age of 16 to pursue her own goal of happiness. It tore our siblinghood apart, but I forgive her for that, because I completely understand why she left. It has given me opportunities which I have not taken, and only sometimes I regret not taking them. It has given me a second life in West-Africa at the age of six. That was also suddenly taken from me, 18 months later.

That entire phase of my youth remains only in my mind, along with the other phases. Some are behind doors which are open to you, and some are behind doors which are hidden. Every single one of them is lost. Taken from me by life. Was I at the appropriate age to have pure life take things away from me? Yes. I was. Pure life was not in the wrong by taking those things. By letting me feel and see those things be dragged into oblivion, right in front of me. It has hardened me for the rest of my days. It has made me cold and numb on the outside. The inside is still a vulnerable place. Only those who are most trusted, and only those who are most loved, can go inside. There is no way for something else to come in. It is pure happiness, which has crawled back into the deepest and darkest cavern of my body. There it lies for someone to come in, and release it into my veins, after which it will reach every part of my body once more.

That is the blindness which I am waiting for. That is the happiness which someone might achieve to reach for me once again. A blindness of happiness. Although, I will not be fully blind. I will become one of the exceptions. One of the people who can still look back at the darkness. And when I have reached that point, I will throw my arm into that cavern, let as many hands as possible cling onto it, and drag as many people as possible back into the light, no matter how much strength it takes.