The Lovely Lady Mannering

Chapter Twelve

I had spent the last three days preoccupied with Miss Campbell, my now Lady's maid. Since I now hold the title of a Lady, it is only proper, but I found Miss Campbell companionship to almost motherly and she was there for me at my time of need, I felt grateful to her. I felt much much better from the previous days before although I feel fine, sometimes I can recall the feelings of that painful night that shadows over me.

I was very happy Lord Mannering seemed to be slightly avoiding me as well and spent most his time putting all the affairs in order and handling any last dealings that may have come up since the wedding. He had missed dinner every night and I figured I knew why, we felt it both plain as day. Mortification.

Instead I found my time pleasantly picking out a new wardrobe. I'd managed to snag a few fine dress with fine silks, laces, tulles, and satin materials. All were so beautiful and exquisite and I could have only dreamed of how the beautiful fabric felt against my skin. I even bout a few new chemises, stockings, gloves, bonnets and wooden heels.

After returning to the estate I was given a proper tour of the inside of the chateau and the extent of actual land itself. Which was vast, beautiful and heavenly. Many many acres that went on for miles and I found myself wanting a horse very soon to explore, probably after the honeymoon. Which I was currently dreading. The thought performing any wifely duties was far out of the question. I wasn't sure how I planned on telling my husband this bit of information, though.

"There." Miss Campbell says. After she finishes the last untucked strand of my hair. She rolled and twisted my thick orange feathery hair on two sides until it connected in a bun near the nape of my neck and she also had dressed me in a light yellow bustle dress, with many layers and pleats with a grey and white striped pattern with white pleated sleeves and neckline. It was very fashionable. "A proper lady indeed, you are much ready to depart for your honeymoon."

"Thank you, Minnie." I try to manage a small smile, but couldn't ignore the deep tugging of my stomach that made me feel ill at being alone with Lord Mannering, let alone on a honeymoon.

"Don't forget...if you have any other problems, I have packed some balm for you within your belongings." Miss Campbell said. I knew very well the look on my face gave away at my discomfort. I was never one to mask my feelings, not purposely either. A nice facade will do at the moment, but I just smile reassuringly at her kindness.

"Thank you, Minnie you are most kind. I believe I must go now..." I say deeply in thought as I see the from my bedroom window and empty carriage out front and the footman beginning to stuff our totes underneath in the baggage space. I let out a deep shaky breath.

"Rest assured my Lady, my Lord has plans to take you somewhere very nice." Minnie smiles at me with wrinkles creasing around her eyes before motioning me out the room and downstairs to the corridor. I don't know why I had expected to see Lord Mannering when it was empty. Why was I checking for the horrid man? I mean he wasn't so horrid but, what was I really trying say he nearly damaged me with his...his...eagerness? Oh, well doesn't that just sound kind of silly.

"Your carriage awaits, my Lady." The footman instructed after stepping through the front door.

"Oh, yes. Of course." I say wanting to really inquire about my husband's whereabouts. My husband. Clara how can you bring yourself to call someone who damages you in bed your husband? What is seriously wrong with me? I'd better get a grip on things and fast. Lord Mannering was far too dangerous, had far too many secrets. He was not to be trusted. I promised myself I would not let my guard down before walking out of the threshold of the lovely Chateau.

The footman hoisted me into the carriage and I quickly noticed Lord Mannering and hurriedly took my seat on the opposite side.

"Good morning, Clara." He spoke the words which made me want to freeze. His voice was deep and raspy with a early morning tone to it.

"Good morn." I say trying to keep the conversation as brief as possible and that's all I could managed to squeak out. Avoid him. The carriage door closes sealing me in the small confined space with no one other than the Devil himself. The horses began to slowly move and trollop all at once setting us on a steady pace to our destination, which was still not revealed to me. Which made me wonder, actually I wonder a great many of things, but I dared myself not to ask the man in front of me anything.

Instead as awkward silence fell over the carriage I pulled out a book I had just bought for the trip one of the two I had stashed in a small bag I picked up at a consignment shop in the nearby town. I began to wrap myself in the pages until I almost forgot about the stranger of a husband in front of me and the reason for this trip at all.

"You look quite well today, my Lady." Lord Mannering said huskily, but there was something different in his voice from before like he had awoken now due to a the few hours of riding. I almost cursed myself out loud when I parted my eyes from the book  I was reading to meet the familiar dense blue one's of my husbands.

Somehow the compliment felt like an insult and my hands and face instantly began to burn red with infuriation.

Damon's POV

I didn't realize I had said the wrong thing to my wife until her cheeks, ears and hands burned fire red and I suddenly knew my compliment had been mistaken and there was probably no way I couldn't ever get back in good graces with the woman in front of me.

"Do you mean to mock me?" Clara said narrowing her pale blue eyes and clinching her teeth. I noticed her fists were in red heated angry balls.

"Clara, the last thing I mean to do was offend you." I said just a guilty as I felt. Her hardened eyebrows never softened.

I had been avoiding her for the last three days, well... ever since the night I have done unspeakable things and in truth I will never forgive myself for it. I knew this trip was inevitable that's why I had picked somewhere I knew she would be pleased and maybe just maybe I could start over and take my time and do things properly. I wanted my wife to enjoy me not become terribly pained at my existence. I feel incredible guilt for what I have done. I have contemplated continuously over and over how I would apologize and make things right for what I've done. I can't live any other way.

"Now you care for my wellness?! Three days ago you didn't give a damn about my wellness!" I studied Clara's face with weary eyes. Anger, sadness and tears written all through her expression which made a part of me sink lower inside myself. I was ashamed. She had every right to be upset.

"You are right..." I said shamefully meeting her distraught and angry gaze. Here eyes widened then softened and then squinted at me deviously. "I am sorry for what I have done to you, sweet Clara. If...if you wish I promise... I will never touch you again."

I closed my eyes in return for her response. I couldn't bare to see her wounded because of me anymore and if this was the solution then it will be what I have to live with...maybe a little of what I deserve.