Breaking Cannon

22.

TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT, DEATH, BEATINGS.

Cannon POV

I love her.

But I don't think she's ready to hear that yet. Her small body in my arms, curled against my body. All of the anger gone from her face, replaced with calm, contentment. Her long eyelashes rest gently on her cheeks. Her black hair tossed carelessly into a messy bun.

I watch as her chest rises and falls. Fuck, I could watch this forever.

My thoughts are interrupted by her movement against me. Her breathing starts to pick up and I know she's having a nightmare. I pull her closer and start whispering sweet nothings in her ear, wanting desperately to chase away the bad thoughts.

She pleads with an invisible assailant to stop, to kill her and not her mom. My heart shatters into 3 million pieces. She shouldn't have to deal with this. I hold her tighter until she calms and her breathing returns to normal.

I fall into a fitful sleep of my own.

...

Maddox POV

I wake up to a tossing Cannon. I know I just had a nightmare, and now he is too.

Pffff. Look at us. Talk about damaged goods.

If it wasn't so tragic, it'd be humorous.

The handsome, strong man that I've come to know is replaced with a scared, vulnerable one. He lays stone still on his back shaking and screaming no. I immediately turn towards him and take his face in my hands.

"Cannon. You're dreaming. Wake up."

He still panics, his breathing fast and erratic.

"Baby, please wake up. It's okay. I'm he-"

All of the sudden, I'm airborne. I smack against the wall and fall to the ground with a groan.

Well damn. If it isn't the consequences of your own actions.

Shutup.

He's really strong.

Damn that hurt. I roll to my stomach and try to push myself up, but I feel a searing pain in my shoulder. Fan-fucking-tastic. My shoulders out of place. I hear Cannon jump out of bed.

"Fuck, Mads. Fuck I'm so sorry I- I didn't mean to. Are you hurt? Where are you hurt. Fuck. I'm sorry. I knew I'd hurt you. No good, piece of shit, idiot-"

"Cannon!" I yell, snapping him out of his spiral.

He flickers his eyes to mine and I see how much pain is in them.

"Hey, I'm okay. It's just my shoulder. Happens all the time." He looks down again with a frown on his face.

"Hold on, handsome. Let me put it back in and I'll be good as new." I say rolling back onto my back.

"No, let me."

He stands me up and sits me on the bed.

He places a hand on the top of my shoulder and on below it.

"Alright, on three princess. 1..2..."

Snap.

I wince in pain as he puts it back in place. He backs off of me and sits at the end of the bed with his arms on his thighs and his head hanging low.

"Cannon?" I say.

He doesn't answer and runs his hands through his hair. I notice how shaky they are and I immediately go to him. I get on my knees in front of him so that I can see his face. His eyes are filled with tears.

"Hey, hey it's okay. Look, I'm okay."

I reach out to touch his face but he flinches back, jaw tight.

"Look at me Cannon."

He doesn't move.

"Please talk to me." I look at the ground.

"I'm sorry." His voice cracks as he says it. I jump up and crawl on his lap, straddling him. I grab his face and make him look at me.

"I'm okay. We're okay." He slowly nods.

"Can I ask you something?" I want to know what made him so afraid.

So I can kill whoever did it.

Not now.

Soon.

Lord help me.

"Anything, my love."

"What were you dreaming of?"

He tenses and I move his hands so that they're holding my waste, attempting to get him to relax.

"My dad wasn't a good person."

He looks in my eyes. He sighs as if he knows I won't let this go.

"If I tell you, you have to tell me."

I nod.

He takes a deep breath.

"Fuck it. My dad was abusive. I got half of these scars from him. He'd cut me, burn me, beat me, whatever he thought would make me tougher."

His eyes get a far away look in them and I bury my face in his neck.

"I had brothers, but they wouldn't get the brunt of it. I was defiant and angry. Eventually, he drove everyone in the house away. My mother turned to drugs, my brothers left and never looked back. He was dead set on 'breaking me' as he called it."

He let out a humorless laugh. I held him tighter.

"One day, me and my brother were arguing over who got to sit where at the dinner table. Fucking dumb argument. He yelled. After dinner he told me to go up to his study."

His whole body tenses and his breathing picks up.

"He beat me within an inch of my life. When I was laying there, fading in and out of consciousness, he kicked me onto my stomach, pulled down my pants. And broke me."

He barely says the last part. Tears are streaming down my face as he retells his story. He's shaking in my arms and I'm clinging to him like my life depends on it. For once in my life, I'm at a complete loss for words. So I say the only thing that comes to mind.

I take his face in my hands.

"I love you."

He scans my face, as if looking to see if I mean it.

"Say it again."

"Cannon, I love you."

He grabs my face and kisses me. Not needy and urgent, but like I'm the only thing keeping him together. Like he loves me.

"I love you, Maddox."

We sit for a long time. Holding each other. He listens as I tell him about my moms death. How my dad went completely off the rails one day and wouldn't stop punching her. How Jax held me back to protect me as I screamed for him to stop. How we watched the life leave her eyes as she whispered she loved us.

I sob, big heavy sobs and he does too. Until we're both so tired we can't stay awake. We drift off, holding onto each other like we were the only life rafts on a sinking ship.