𝓜𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓫𝔂, 𝓶𝔂 𝔀𝓲𝓯𝓮

18# SELFISH

JAMIL'S STUDIO,
ASOKORO.
JANUARY, 2020.

As the days drew closer to the wedding, Jamil made sure to stay clear of his home.

Even if he had been the one to let Ayman wed Jamilah, he still couldn't stop the silent simmering of his blood.

His muscles felt particularly tense, his concentration waning and his chest heavy.

He'd known it would hurt.

He'd prepared for it.

But facing his reality was a different level of pain.

His escape to his studio hadn't been helpful, not particularly. Left to himself, his thoughts subjected him to the worst kind of torment.

They'd tease him...

Pushing forth from his headspace, his most pleasant memories...Memories in which he smiled.They'd range from his earliest childhood memories.

Of the first time he saw Jamilah. Of that moment when he'd felt the most foreign feeling overwhelm him; Of the times after then, and how he'd always feel that one heavy beat when he saw her.

It was always instant.

And he'd never forgotten that feeling.

His breath would seize, and his heart would ache, and he'd feel the most foolish inclination around the edges of his lips, fighting how excited he felt with every ounce of will he possessed.

He'd never, ever felt the need to smile before; Not even when his heart swelled with gratitude.

And knowing that the girl made him crave for things he'd never wanted irritated him beyond reason, but he'd still make sure he saw her every week.

**

When he was slightly older, he developed his love for sketching.

He'd draw all he wanted to; Landscapes, rivers, cars, houses.

It was one of the rare things that piqued his interest. And one of the even rarer ones he didn't tire of.

So everyday, he'd draw. Honing the skills he'd already had.

But until Jamilah, sketching was just that...a skill. But it didn't take much for things to change.

Just one incident.

It was the first time he'd drawn in front of Jamilah.

He'd been so immersed in it, he hadn't noticed her draw close to where he sat. And it wasn't until he heard her breathe noisily against his ear that he'd turned to look at her.

Their eyes had caught for the slightest second, It was the first time he'd seen her so closely.

Jamil had felt that usual, one heavy beat become two. And then three, and then four.

Until he was sure his heart was racing.

And when she smiled at him, peering down at what he was drawing, he felt like the heart that had pressed on some sort of acceleration had switched to a break at the last second.

He felt the moment his heart skipped that beat.

And he recoiled.

That was the first time he'd felt the girl was dangerous.

After then, Jamilah made it a habit to watch him draw. He'd stopped her after a while; realising that her presence did nothing good to his concentration. So, she'd read while he drew instead. Each of them lost in worlds that were different yet the same.