The way we are

Meant to be.

Authors note.

I love every single one of you. You are all loved. You are all wanted. You are all strong. Never ever forget it<3

Laura West

After our snow day, Antonio has been acting strange. He is around the house a lot less and when he is here he's distant and cold, how he used to be. Whenever I try to ask him about new furniture for the house or colors I always get one-word answers.

I should've prepared myself for when this happened, I suppose I anticipated when he would end up being like this again. I suppose I didn't expect it this soon. Nights are cold without him and when he climbs into bed in the early hours of the morning he will turn away from me rather than holding me like he used to. 

I've been driving myself to work and eating lunch alone now, we are back to where we used to be. I hate it more than ever.

Today is like my normal days, he is still in bed while I get ready for work. My heart hurts and I miss when he was normal with me for a while. 

I feel tears lightly fall as I brush my teeth. Luna rubs her face against my legs and I smile a little through the tears. I am dressed in a long-sleeved black bodysuit and cream flares. The necklace he bought me is still around my neck, I find myself reaching to unclasp it, I shouldn't wear it any more if he's acting like I'm a stranger.

Just as I grasp the back of the necklace to unclip it a tired, gruff voice sounds from the bedroom.

''Dont even think about it'' He says.

I lean back a bit to see him leaning on his elbow with his hand in his hair watching me from the bed.

I quickly wipe my lightly tear-stained cheeks and look at him.

''Why not?'' I ask with a slight attitude to my words.

I see his jaw clench from where I am standing.

''You're acting like I'm not even here'' I turn toward the mirror and dab a tissue on my face before throwing it into the trash next to me. I walk into the bedroom and sit on the bed next to him, bending to put my shoes on.

I feel him behind me and his cologne still lingers although he just woke up.

Before I get my first shoe on he grabs my waist and pulls me close to him, he hovers above me and I instinctively wrap my legs around him.

''I bought you that necklace so it would dangle in my face while you ride me babygirl. Watch that attitude'' He smirks through the sentence and butterflies engulf my body.

This man has a way with his words, I almost forgot I was angry at him.

I roll my eyes at him ''Why are you acting like I'm not here then? I'm trying so hard to be unbothered but Antonio you blow me off when I talk about things for this house that you wanted to make our home together and you barely spend any time with me. We have no labels and I don't want to be needy but fuck, I need you sometimes.'' I finish my rant with a sigh and he rolls off of me before laying next to me and pulling me onto his chest.

''I'm sorry'' He sighs.

''I'm stressed as fuck and there are lots going on in the mafia and I'm not used to turning on and off my coldness so I forget. I do love you, Laura. Please don't think I mean it when I'm like this I just fucking forget how I can hurt people and I really don't want to hurt you'' His words spill out as he strokes my hair, I hear his heartbeat a little faster. I never thought I would see this man nervous but here he is.

''What is going on?'' I question while sitting up and leaning my head onto my hands while smiling at him reassuringly. It's hard for him to open up but I hope he knows he can trust me.