Stoned & Crazy: A Bruno Mars Fan-Fiction.

Stoned & Crazy #9: The Phone.

Guess what's back, back again? Stoned & Crazy's back, tell a friend! I know I haven't written since...well since I don't even remember. But I'm on spring break, so I thought I'd update. Hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently from now on, with me graduating in a month. (Say whaaaaat.) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this. Shout out to my bestie BrunoMarsFan85.

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(Ryan's P.O.V.)~Afternoon

I stand outside on the patio, take a puff from my joint and let it out. I should totally instagram this. I pat my pocket for my chap stick and spread it on my lips. Chapped lips are the worst lips, I gotta stay fresh. 
I run my fingers through my hair trying to comb it out a little. Now i'm ready for da gram! I pat my back pocket looking for my phone. Okay...it's not there. I dig inside my front 2 pockets and check my leg pockets. "Where the hell is my phone?!" I think out loud. I look around me and don't see it anywhere. I fling open the patio door and run inside, searching everywhere. I pause. Wait a second.. "BRUNO!!!!" I scream. "BRUNO, YOU OOMPA LOOMPA LOOKIN' FUCK! WHERE ARE YOU?!" I run down the hall and fling open his bedroom door. 

(Bruno's P.O.V.)

Ha! Ryan will never find me here under this bed...I should've brought food under here. "I know you're in here." He walks inside the room. I freeze. "Come on out, I just wanna talk." Yeah right! He wants to kick my ass. I'm so hungry. I could go for a nice juicy McRib. Mmmmm. My stomach growls. FUCK! I wonder if he heard that. "Come out from the closet Bruno." He says. "HA! JOKES ON YOU I'M UNDER THE BED!" Shit, shit, shit! My stomach growls louder. Oh, shut up! Ryan pounces on the bed. "Aaaah! Be careful you're gonna squish my head." "That's my goal!" He starts jumping on the bed. "OW, OW! OKAY, OKAY, I'M COMING OUT! but you have to promise me that you won't hit me." "I promise." "Do you pinky promise?" I hold out my pinky from the side of the bed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." He pinky promises. I come out from under the bed.  Ryan kicks me in the shin. "OUCH!!!" I fall back onto the bed. "I didn't promise i wouldn't kick you." He closes the room door. I gulp. "I know you have it, Bruno. So cough it up." I look at him confused. "Have what?" "Don't play dumb with me. You have my phone," "No I don't." The phone starts ringing. Ryan stares at me. "Then what's that?" "Um...the tv?" "It's not on, try again." I hesitate. "Uhhh...." "Who else's ring tone is, smoke weed everyday? Just give me my damn phone!" Ryan pounces on top of me and starts searching my pockets. "Geez, buy me dinner first." "Where the fuck is it, Bruno?"  "Umm..." He grabs my nipple and twists it. "Where is it Bruno? WHERE IS IT BRUNO?!" He twists harder. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" I scream. "OKAY! OKAY!!! It's....it's...well...funny story." I laugh nervously.  He glares at me. "It's uh...it's in my boxers." He gets off of me. "It's what?" He stares at me. "It's in my boxers. It's the one place you won't check." "So let me get this straight...my phone...is not in your pants, it's in your boxers. So...right now, my phone is basically snuggled up against your dick?" He crosses his arms. "Eh heh...I guess it is." I scratch the back of my head. He starts laughing and I laugh along. He starts walking toward the door. "Well, you've left me no choice." "Where are you going?" "To get some gloves. I'm getting that damn phone." He twists the doorknob and it falls into his hand. "Looks like you aren't getting the phone unless you grab for it!" I start pelvic thrusting. "Do you not see this in my hand?" He points to the doorknob. "Yeah...I see it." "YOU FUCKING IDIOT WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE!!" He starts banging on the door. "No we're not, just put the door handle back on." Ryan smacks his forehead. "Gee, I hadn't thought of that! Here Bruno, why don't you do the honors?" He hands me the knob. "With pleasure." I walk up the door and try to put the knob back on the door. "Well...this is weird. It appears we're trapped in here." I pause. "WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE?!" I panic. "NO DIP SHIT, YOU FUCK! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!" "MY FAULT?!" "YES, YOU'RE FAULT! EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!" "NO IT'S NOT!" Ryan sits down on the carpet. "Oh really? What about that time you invited the fucking hobo, criminal over for Christmas? Or the time you put weed in my famous cherry cheesecake. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE TIME YOU MADE ME KISS ERIC'S WIFE!!" "Will you ever let that go?" "Gee, I don't know Bruno. Why don't I ask Eric...oh, wait...HE HATES ME." "We could spend all day pointing fingers, but we've gotta get out of here! I'm hungry!!" I start pounding on the door. "HELP, SOMEBODY, JESSICA, GERONIMO, BEEF JERKY KING!" I yell. Ryan bangs his head against the wall. "Maybe if I bang my head hard enough, I might actually kill myself."