Love as rich as chocolate ~TodoBaku~

Chapter 23: hardship

Akio Todoroki

AKIIIII
I've not seen you in
ages, are you still
alive?

Yes, Kei, I'm very much
still alive

Phew! I was worried
for a second! Wanna
meet up today?

Sure, why not. That
coffee place was
pretty cool, let's
meet there.

Sounds good, see
you soooooooon!

...I suddenly feel quite bitter.

It's not that I don't want to see Kei, far from it actually. He's my best friend, and nothing changes that...but I feel untrustworthy. Him not telling me about his relationship with Ryo was really quite a bother to me. You'd think 12-13 years of friendship might earn you at least a little trust, right? Of course, I was annoyed that Ryo hadn't told me either, but more than anything I was annoyed at myself. Surely if they've not told me...it's because of me. There must be a reason, and it must be me. That's the only way it makes sense.

The thing that made me bitter more than anything was the fact that I knew more than Kei. I hated that I had to go out of my way to hate every single thing he said to me because I knew he was keeping secrets. Yes it's up to him and yes I can't force anything out of him, but...don't I deserve to know? We literally do everything together...or, well, I thought we did at least. I've been going on and on about how I don't like feeling like he doesn't trust me...I'm not even sure I trust him anymore.

...which is an unfair verdict to make, and I know it. But that doesn't stop me thinking it. It's not something I'm going to shy away from thinking, and I honestly don't know how long I'll be able to stay composed today. I know that Hiro will be on shift, which is partly why I suggested the shop anyway, so I had a little bit of support immediately. With my...boyfriend (?) there, I felt much more at ease than without him, even if Kei doesn't know we are together. It's not like I expected a confrontation, I just...wasn't sure whether I wanted there to be one or not.

My mind was whirring and spiralling out of control all the way to the coffee shop, the cold November air nipping at me despite my many layers. I had decided to wear my sapphire neck chain, despite the seemingly unimportant nature of the day. Something told me today would turn out to be more than it appeared, so I was compelled to wear it. At the very least, it would impress Hiro, so that was a bonus.

Kei was already there when I arrived at the coffee shop, and told me he'd already ordered drinks for us both since he just got here. Hiro gave me a quick smile from behind the counter, but left me to it, obviously recognising Kei from his previous visits.

"So...how've you been? Shame about Thursday, we really missed having you there!"

...why do I wanna punch him?

"Yeah, sorry, my head just wasn't in the right place. I'm doing ok now"

"That's good...you done that homework for Monday?"

"Nope, but it's good to know we have homework for Monday..."

"Jeez, you must be really out of it! You said on Wednesday that you loved doing matrices work!"

"Yeah, well, maths problems weren't the only ones I had" I said with a little bit more bite than I'd intended to. Fortunately, I was spared the awkwardness of Kei's response as Hiro came over with our drinks, breaking up the conversation in a timely manner. I tried to restart it once he'd left, shifting the conversation away from me as best I could.

"How...how's Ryo?"

"...cut the bullshit Aki. Somethings up with you, and you need to tell me what"

Aw crap

"I'm fine! Seriously!"

"No, you are not! I know you well enough to know that you aren't fine!"

But not well enough to tell you about my relationship with our friend!

I wanted to scream those words at him, but the business of the coffee shop disallowed that. Instead, I just looked him in the eyes, took a breath, and spoke as calmly as I could.

"...why didn't you tell me about you and Ryo?"

I could see the shock in his face as I revealed what I knew, seeing him trying to scramble for an answer. It pissed me off that it worried him so much, and I damn near stood up and walked out, but his answer intrigued me enough to keep me there. I'd expected him to ask how I knew, but he didn't, which was indicative of only one thing to me. He wanted to tell me...

"...because he asked me not to"

"...and why didn't he want me knowing?"

"...because..."

"For god's sake Kei, spit it out. This has been fucking with me since Thursday, I'm not leaving without an answer"

"...because he thinks you like me..."

The meek way he responded told me it was totally truthful.

"So...he thinks I'd be jealous? Is that it?"

"...yeah..."

"So he'd rather make me question how much you two trust me than wrap himself up in the idea that I'd steal you from him?"

"No, that's not-"

"That's exactly what it is! Please god, Kei, don't make this harder than it already is. Do you have any idea how shitty I felt when I caught you two on Thursday? How I felt distrusted, lonely and honest-to-fucking-god-depressed? Whether that was the plan or not, I don't know, but that was the outcome, so I'm afraid that's the way it is"

"Aki, you know we wouldn't do that on purpose!"

"Do I?! How could I possibly tell anymore?! Don't misinterpret, I'm happy for you two, seriously! But...god, you handled this badly. I'm sorry Kei, but I don't like Ryo's behaviour here"

"...thanks Aki...but I'll handle this myself. I need to dash, so...um...see ya Monday!"

I didn't call out after him. There was no point.

He was miles away, both literally and figuratively
—————————————————————————

No clue what to say here so have a doughnut 🍩

Fact of the Day: starting a chapter with texts will always feel off to me. I always feel like I've skipped a bunch even though there's nothing written there, ya get what I mean?