Love as rich as chocolate ~TodoBaku~

Chapter 11: beautiful trauma

Akio Todoroki

At first...it was conflicting. I wasn't sure what I was looking at, or if I wanted to keep looking, or tear my eyes from their sockets.

I mean, seeing your two crushes making out with each other should be hot, right? It should get you excited, turned on, have your blood boiling and eager to flow!

...but my blood went ice cold.

It was...everything I didn't want, but so close to what I did. It was worse than refusal, worse than ruining friendships. It was torture, and I was it's victim. Seeing them so close, so enamoured with each other, felt so selfishly sickening. I wanted to scream, to smash things and vent myself to the world. But I just stared.

Neither saw me. Neither looked.

Both were too lost in pleasure to care that I was drowning in despair. It could've been rain, but something wet ran down my cheek as I stared at their intertwined forms on the couch, Ryo's back towards me, shrouding the view of Kei beneath him. I heard whispers, but not what was said. I don't care. I don't want to know. It doesn't matter anyway.

I slinked out the door, not bothering to close it. And I started walking, nonplussed about the now bouncing rain pouring down on me. I just need to get somewhere comfortable right now. Not home, too many questions. Not Yui, too much noise. Not...not Kei...

The coffee shop. It's the only place left. There's little reason behind it, but that's my best place for now. I remember vaguely seeing that it was open late, so it was a safe bet. Besides, it'll be warm, and I'm starting to need it.

I don't think I'm crying, but I'm not sure. I feel weary, mentally exhausted all of a sudden. It was as if seeing...what I saw had totally shattered my will to...do anything. Nothing felt worth it right now, and I immediately sat down in the shop and stared out the window, brain whirring with all sorts of stupid ideas about how to fix this as I absentmindedly fiddled with my sapphire pendant. Of course, there was nothing anywhere near feasible I could do.

I barely felt my lip trembling anymore. I hadn't realised I'd been suppressing it, and I knew in that moment it wouldn't take much for me to crack.

The soft clunk of a drink being laid down on the table caught me off guard, and I saw the familiar face of Hiroyuki, looking a lot less jovial than I was used to. He looked incredibly concerned...no doubt my fault. He pushed over the cup to just in front of me, a wry smile sneaking onto his face as he mumbled out "look like you need it..."

Hot chocolate with whipped cream...

I cracked.

Crying in front of a stranger is always a hard thing to stop. Whether it's the embarrassment of appearing weak, the awkwardness on their end, or just the fact that they had no obligation to accept the burden of your troubles, it was always tougher to repel than normal tears. I don't really even know when he sat next to me, only that I buried my face into his shoulder as he offered it, feeling his arms tentatively rub my back in circles. I could tell he felt awkward, so as soon as I felt a little better, I sat myself up and parted us, offering him a similar wry smile to his own, my tear soaked cheeks less convincing.

He smiled back, and that almost got me again. Instead, I managed to take a deep breath and steady myself, reaching a shaky hand over to the cup Hiroyuki had so kindly brought. As I picked it up, my hand shook like a paper plane in a hurricane, and for fear of spilling it on myself, I gently lay it back down. I looked up at Hiroyuki's still worried face and weakly smiled, before taking a few deep breaths and whispering "I'm sorry..." to him.

"There's no need to apologise! If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. I know I don't know you that well, but sometimes it's better that way, rather than a close friend, you know?"

"Yeah...how long until you shut?"

"As long as it takes me to get up from here and lock the door. Nobody ever comes in this late anyway"

"...thank you"

"No problem! If...if there's anything in particular you wanna talk about, then feel free! Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought-"

"Thank you, Hiroyuki. That'd be very nice"

"...sure. And...call me Hiro, only my mom calls me Hiroyuki" he muttered with a slight blush, the shameless aura around him seeming to die down a little, even temporarily. On any other day, I might remark on his flustered state, but I couldn't think about that right now. All I could see was Ryo and Kei, on that couch, lips glued together. Contrast to the cold of the rain, heat had radiated off them, sweat beading on the back of Ryo's neck, all while I stood, frozen by the door.

"So...?" Hiroyu- Hiro probed, and brought me back to the room. I cleared my throat, still absently gazing out the window as if the solution to my problem would come walking past, as Hiro sat down next to me in the booth again.

"Well...long story short, I...have two really good friends called Kei and Ryo. They're the ones I came in with the first time I came here. Basically, for the past...week and a half, maybe (?), I've had crushes on both of them, but I had no way to pick between them. Fast forward to today, and..."

I broke off. Not really because I wanted to, but because I could feel myself welling up with tears again. A soft, warm hand gently gripped the back of one of my own, resting with such precision and comfort. He was much warmer than me, and it was only then that I realised I was still shivering. The hot chocolate was probably going lukewarm by now, the cream all melted away, but I didn't really care. With Hiro's support, I continued on with my explanation of events.

"...I was meant to meet up with the two of them at Ryo's place for 5:30. He told us to arrive late since his dad was visiting, but I rocked up about 10 minutes earlier, since I figured he would be gone by then. I was right, but...when I opened the door...I saw him and Kei making out on the couch. I came straight here after that..."

"Gosh...I can't even imagine what that must be like..." he said quietly, with an oh so subtle squeeze of my hand. He knew what he was doing when it came to comforting people, that's for sure. He's either incredibly empathetic...or he's been through enough shit to know what people need. His happy-go-lucky persona almost doubled up as a protective barrier, shielding negativity from his life, and those around him got the same effect. Hard to judge, definitely, but certainly not a bad person.

With that...I cried some more. It didn't feel like I was crying in front of a stranger anymore. It felt as though I'd known him for forever, longer than Ryo or even Kei. It's weird, because, as I sat there next to him, tears pouring from my face...

...Crying didn't seem so scary
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Well...surprise twist? I quite like how this chapter turned out, and you might've guessed it by now, but Ryo and Kei will not be Akio's romantic interest in this fic !!

Time for Hiro to take the floor! Hope you like him...

Iliketoeatsocks I see you predicting Hiro is important! How DARE you see through ME?! 😠

Also there was a buuuuuuuunch of clues that Kei and Ryo like each other and are a couple and HAHA I BET YOU MISSED THEM 😊

I'm sorry...😕

Fact of the Day: the chapter is named after the P!NK song of the same name.