Jin Ling - This is my story!

Its Only You for Me too

I went to our bedroom and Yuan wasn't there. Searching him around I finally found him sleeping under the peony tree. Back then if Lan Qiren was close to Yuan then definitely there would have been many more additions to the rule list. If I ask him sleeping anywhere anytime is it allowed in Gusu; he will definitely have some argument or reason for his defense. I smiled thinking everyone knows Jingyi is mischeovous but only few closed ones know about Yuan, that even he is a dark horse. Seeing him under the same peony tree where I saw him for the first time on my birthday made me feel how was I not able to correlate between the two. He is looking as angelic as he looked before. His lustrous black hair spilled on the floor getting mixed with soil. His peach coloured lips looked as if they are inviting me to play with. Long back I had an urge to lift him in my arms. I was so serious about it that I practiced headstand everyday during our training in Cloud Recess. But, I never dared thinking of being failed faltering our steps together. Today, after so many years without thinking much I wrapped his hand around my neck and lifted him in my arms. We dint fall but it was so clumsy that he immediately opened his eyes.

"I am sorry, I dint mean to wake you. I shouldn't have tried it".

He was caressing my cheeks with his knuckles  "It is perfect for me".

Laying him on bed, I kissed his forehead. "Sleep well". Then I kissed his cheeks, his jawline. Even after so many years I still feel attracted to him like I am an iron getting attracted to magnet. His charm still captivates me. "Sizhui, I cant restrain myself".

"Then dont".

We slept together embracing each other uniting our body and souls.

It is rarest of days when I am awake before him. Next morning I woke up before Yuan. Getting up to get myself cleaned, I noticed he has already cleaned us before sleeping. This has been his habit since our first time.  His dishelved hair covered his face. I could see few streaks of grey hair which he covers with his forehead ribbon and jade pin. Tucking his hair behind his ears I was mesmerized in the beauty of the man with whom I have fallen in love for years. Did I love him for the way he looks? It is the beauty of his soul which reflects on his face enchanted me. Now I know why it never bothered to Hanguang-Jun that Wei Wuxian's soul was in Mo Xuanyu's body.

But, over some time Yuan has changed. He has become quiet than before. Neither does he travel much nor does he paint. Initially I ignored considering it maybe due to ageing but now I think that there is something which is making him unhappy. On his single command I can chisel my heart and offer it to him. There is nothing in the world that we dont have. But I know he has never been a boy lusting riches, there is something else which he is missing. My Yuan would have never made excuse of sea sickness to avoid night hunting. Infact he is reknown for killing the sea demon inside Zhang Yu cave.

Yuan opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Yuan, is there something bothering you?"

He placed his head on my shoulder and started fidgeting with his fingers on my chest. "Nothing"

"Look into my eyes. Dont lie".

"I sometimes feel maybe I am not worth being with you".

Twitching my eyebrows, I raised his chin with my finger. "Yuan, after so many years dont tell me you dont love me anymore. There is someone el...um"

He kissed my lips. "Its always you, only you. I meant I had been thinking about Jiang uncle's last words. There is no heir to Yunmeng."

Taking a deep breath I smiled at his concern. "Is that what is bothering you?Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun were lucky to meet You in their life. Thanks to them I got a chance to meet my angel. You know we tried adoption but we dint encounter anyone..... Not exactly, we met someone but adopting Wu Xin would have been so comical"

He hit my chest hard. "Ah! Sizhui it pains".

"We still have a way. I was thinking what if you marry another girl"

I pushed him back and started donning my clothes. "I dont believe you Sizhui".

I wanted to smack him hard right at that moment. But, his eyes were already filled with tears to its brim. A word more and he would have cried.

Banging the door I went out. "Rulan just listen to me once".

I went out. I don't know where I was going. I went deep inside the forest and sat there alone. Unknowingly I started picking and throwing pebbles. "How could he even think that? When I feel so jealous while he is with Jingyi even after knowing they are only childhood friends. How could he tolerate me with someone else."

I am missing Wei Wuxian. He is the only one whom I would have approached. Who would have guided me. Rage, frustration, irritation, sadness mixed emotions are gripping me right now. I know how difficult it would have been for him to tell this. All these years he always kept me as his priority. He never let any of his troubles trespass me. He has always been giving. But stupid doesn't he realise my happiness is only with him.

I took out a paper, ink and brush from my pouch. I wanted to let out my emotions so I started writing my thoughts.

Once, I realised it is evening I headed back to my chamber. Ignoring sizhui I went straight to bath tub and immersed myself inside cold water. Changing my clothes I went out.  Standing under the same peony tree where I first saw Sizhui I was reminiscing the life spent with him. I dont want to hurt him but I dont want to talk about this topic again. Being away from him, getting angry on him was breaking me from within. Suddenly I heard Pretty was barking aloud. After careful observation, I saw someone in black clothes going towards Coffin home. He looked like Wu Xin from behind. But, the way he spoke yesterday, I thought it is better to avoid him right now. However, I still doubted why is he going there at this time of hour?

As I was about to follow him, I felt someone embracing me from behind. Turning back I realized it was Sizhui. He is crying. "I am sorry Rulan." He held a letter in his hand. "You kept it on table". It was the same paper where I vented my emotions out. I kept it on table and forgot it there when I went to bath. "Its only you and always you for me. Sorry, for not understanding it's always me and only me for you too. Tell me what you want? I will do anything for you".

The last time he offered this our souls got united. Do, I need that now. No I want more, I want him to be with me forever.

"Anything? Do you remember the last time you offered me this?". Finally he smiled. "I want you to always be there with me till eternity. I want you to never push me away from you in any circumstances. I want my old Yuan back who is always smiling. I want you to always love me even after this soul departs from this body". He kept his finger on my lips. "Wait I want to tell more. We have been apart from each other so many times. Why haven't you ever written any letters for me".

"But we did exchanged letters".

He was indeed right. "But you never wrote a love letter. I want you to write romantic love letters for me".

With a mischievous smirk he said "How about I write my first letter on your bare body with my tongue".

My eyes widen on his offer. His bold thinking sent ripples of pleasure in my entire body. Last time when he drew rabbits on lantern festival and today this, both times I felt like devouring him right here right now at this moment. Leaning closer I whispered in his ears "Then I want letter to be big enough that not a single spot of canvas is missed where words are not imprinted". He burried his neck on my shoulder and as always I am feeling his smile on my neck.