Jin Ling - This is my story!

RIP Uncle Yao

Unable to witness the last moment pain of uncle, I moved away from everyone. What I saw last was Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun sealing the coffin laying Guanyin statue at its top.

As I was walking away from everyone someone pulled me into an embrace. It was Lan Sizhui. His eyes were red and tears fell from his eyes. He cupped my cheeks. "Are you okay? When Fairy came I was so scared. What if anything would have happened..."He was crying. I have never seen him so closely before. His eyes, his lips, his face is so beautiful. I could feel him breathing on my skin. Was he crying for me? Was he scared for me? Lan Jingyi and other disciples joined him and he straightened his posture.

Jingyi - "Hey Jin Ling, I was wrong. Your dog is truly amazing. She led all of us here".

He dragged Lan Sizhui away and all the disciples shouted together "Wei Wuxian, Hanguang-Jun" surrounding them. Fairy was standing beside me wagging her tail. I glanced secretly at them and I realized it was presence of Fairy that was giving chills to Wei Wuxian. Patting Fairy I asked her to leave from there.

Turning around I saw few sect leaders carrying coffin outside Guanyin temple. Without any thought I just sat on ground. Fairy was barking outside, Nei Huisang was holding uncle's cap in his hand. Everything around still reminded me of him, of the time we had spent together. As a lost soul, I started crying aloud.

I don't remember in front of whom I took my first step
But I do remember you holding my hand when I walked babysteps
I don't remember my mother feeding me
But I do remember you feeding me when I refused to eat and threw food all over with anger
I don't remember the warmth of my father's skin
But I do remember yours when you embraced me over my achievement
I don't remember pulling Suihua from my father's hand
But I do remember you passing me his last remembrance

You could have destroyed it
You could have abandoned me
You could have tortured me
You could have threatened me
You could have simply killed me

You kept me alive
You pampered me
You encouraged me
You were good to me
You loved me

How could I hate you when I don't hate Wen Ning who stabbed my dad
I couldn't hate him because he was not in his senses
How could I hate you when I don't hate Wei Wuxian for controlling Wen Ning
I couldn't hate him because he was no longer at fault
How could I hate you when I know the burden of your past was too difficult for you to handle
I want to hate you from depth of my heart since you were the only mastermind beyond the scandal
I still want to hate you but I cant

I wish you are reborn as my son
I promise I will nurture you with all the love that you deserve
It was not under your control to choose in which family to be born
Maybe if you had received the deserved respect you would have been loyal to your brothers with whom you sworn

I could never hate you because at the end what I remember is your calm and composed face with a smile

The smile with which you greeted others
The smile beyond which you suppressed your hatred

The smile which you worn while we were playing
The smile that showed you understood me when you gifted Fairy

The smile with which you dared to peek inside my room when I threw everything around with anger
The smile which assured me I deserved to be a sect leader

The smile with which you encouraged me to read books, practise in training ground, meditate and build a stronger core
The smile with which you soothed my pain when you simply caressed my hair while I pretended to be deep asleep

I could never hate you uncle Yao
The love that you bestowed over years is so deeply etched that it is difficult to erase it with hatred

I was sitting in a corner shedding tears when sect leader Yao said mockingly "You don't have to shed tears for a culprit like him".

I yelled. "Don't tell me what I have to do"

Seeing me yell, Sizhui came and sat beside me placing his palm on mine. I looked in his eyes "Back then you told you were scared?" He hesitated and looked down. "I...I prayed all the way for everyone's safety- Zewu-Jun, Hanguang-Jun, Wei Wuxian, You. I was scared for all of you". His gaze shifted outside gate and he shouted "Wen Ning! wait I am coming" Running towards the gate he turned around "I shall let you know if we go for night hunt. You can join us. If you want you can also join us in Cloud Recess for training". With those last words he left.

I saw him running outside behind Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian with Wen Ning.

While I saw him leaving, uncle Jiang Cheng shouted "What are you crying here for? Come else I will break your legs".

Seeing Sizhui go far away unknowingly I spoke, "Instead of breaking my legs you should have punished me with headstand "

Jiang Cheng - "Huh"

"Nothing. Aren't you going to stop Wei Wuxian?"

Jiang uncle paused for a second as if he wanted to say something. I know he had too much emotions swirling inside him. But, in the end he just said "We should all go back home".

I said inwardly "Isn't Yunmeng Wei Wuxian's home too?"