HYSTERIA

xii - how to accept an apology you never got

read a book he always talked about and try to eat the words

walk past a dumpster and see its resident cat

scream into your pillow till it's fluffy

count the hair on your arms and legs

paint your eye bags green with aloe vera gel

overplay a ballad written by a heartbroken millionaire 

walk past the dumpster to visit its resident cat 

cut holes into the shirt that smells like him 

tell your friends you're fine, like, really fine

reroute your walk to his favourite cafe. dont peer into the window

puke out all the love rotting in your stomach 

go to the dumpster. bring canned tuna for its resident cat.

cry in your bathtub until the bubble bath tastes salty

make a burner account to stalk his instagram. fall asleep before actually stalking his instagram.

or dont. you will run into him anyway. you will bruise your heart anyway.

go to the dumpster and sit close to its resident cat

eat an ice cream cake all on your own 

get nauseous at even the thought of sugar for the next three days

catch a stranger's eye and think about them for a whole hour

realize you forgot his name for a whole hour 

go to the dumpster to pet its resident cat

cry cry cry cry cry 

run into his friend and not ask about him

clean your room. open the curtains. let the light in.

go to the dumpster to relocate its resident cat to your apartment 

buy the softest cat bed you can find 

run into him. ask him how he's been

tell him you're doing good and mean it

go home to your cat and feed it 

take a selfie with your cat for your eyes only 

add cat food to your weekend grocery list

watch your cat insist on joining you every time you go to the toilet

laugh