Shrek blinked his poop brown orbs open, he took in his surroundings and realised he was in a hospital
"Oh my god Ur fucking awake this is the worst day ever!" He could hear his dear mummy's voice next to him
"Mummy? What happened?"
"Ugly ogre. Some blue Hedgecock pulled out this massive machine gun and shot you multiple times. I was hoping you would FINALLY fucking die"
"Sonic?"
"So that's the fucker's name huh? I'll find him and smack him into the next millennia for doing such a terrible job!!!" She screamed, throwing alcohol bottles around the room
"Hmm..." Shrek hummed to himself. He was lost in thought again when the door burst down, and sonic appeared with his 9'6 figure.
"SHREK BBY!!!!" He yelled, Shrek's mum gasped at the sight of Sonic, and proceeded to girlboss and scream at him
"YOU STUPID HEDGECOCK! YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU COULDNT EVEN KILL MY UGLY SON PROPERLY!"
"SHUT UP YOU SLAG!" Sonic screamed, he picked up Shrek's mum and threw her out of the 69th floor window.
She landed on the ground with a splat and fucking died
"UwU sonic that was so hot"
Sonic smirked like gingerbrave
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They were about to aggressively make out when all of a fucking sudden Boris Johnson burst through the doors
"SHREK!"
"OMFG BORISSSSSSSS!!!"
They squealed like American middle schoolers when they see Justin Bieber flash his abs on stage
Shrek bolted out of the bed and unplugged his life support, but because he wasnt like other girls, he lived, so quirky.
Boris noticed Sonic standing in the room with a tpose waiting for Shrek's devoted attention
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