Stay ~ Applewood Series #1

23| abby

The natural sunlight coming through my window is my first sign that I had slept in far past what I usually do. I take a look at my phone to confirm that yes, I have slept well into the late afternoon, the first time I have done so in what feels like ever.

It doesn't surprise me though, I had such a hard time falling asleep last night after dropping Jesse and Meredith back off at his house. I spent the two hours after I got into bed thinking back on what I could have said to her, beating myself up for not talking to her more. In hindsight I can see how I retreated too far into myself, but in the moment I was just so scared.

First impressions are so hard. It seems like no matter what I do I either say too much or too little and I regret doing both afterwards. I feel bad when I do talk because then I think I'm taking away someone else's time and when I say too little I pray they don't think I'm uninterested. To summarize, I wish I knew how to talk better.

I'm still thinking about the times I spoke to Meredith throughout the night while brushing my teeth and I internally cringe at myself. Why am I so embarrassing? Literally no one else appeared to have a problem talking and joking with her and I was just sitting there going along with whatever anyone else spoke about.

Stupid I think to myself. I can only imagine that is what she was thinking last night, that I'm not good enough for Jesse. Her opinion isn't totally based off of false information though. Objectively speaking, what do I have to offer him? Of course there are non-monetary things, loyalty, trust and support, that I offer. But there is still something so shameful when it is basically free information that I can't offer much financially. I mean what twenty year old college student can? No matter, it still feels bad.

I wouldn't even be able to fault him if he changes his mind about us for her. It hurts to think about it but I would understand. She is family, his only close family at that, and it would hurt me more if I kept him from that relationship with Meredith.

It would be like if staying with him would jeopardize the relationship with Papa. As much as I really like Jesse I would stay away from him if Papa asked it of me, no matter how much happiness Jesse brought me. I would make that sacrifice for my family and I wouldn't ask Jesse to compromise on that front either.

Still in my baggy clothes with my bedhead I walk out to the kitchen to make up something to eat. I haven't had anything to eat since the cake Jesse and I shared earlier in the evening. It can't be healthy to go this long without food.

I stop in my tracks though when I see my grandpa and Jesse already sitting together at the dining room table deep in a conversation. Just as I am about to retreat back into my room the two of them look up at me standing in the hallway.

Jesse stands up and when he is close enough, hugs me into his chest while planting a kiss to the top of my head. I'm a little embarrassed at first since we are in front of Papa, but make not effort to pull away since I can feel the stress radiating from him. Without a second thought about it I hug him back until he lets go of me.

"Jesse, why are you here?" I ask finally face to face with him. "Where's your sister?"

At the mention of Meredith I notice his face harden. Dread fills me as I wonder what had happened between the two of them.

"She's in a plane on her way to Texas right now," he answers then flicking his eyes back towards Papa before returning to mine. "Just like we'll be doing in two days."

My mind freezes as he looks at me for a response. After a few seconds I reply, "Are you serious? What for?"

Jesse sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "Meredith wants us down there for my parent's annual Christmas ball. She wants me to talk to them in person."