weak ➸ camren

chapter 1 ➸ breaking the silence

Camila watched as the crowd of people around her eagerly lined up at catering. They all seemed so excited for the much-needed break. Camila on the other hand, always dreaded the times when she was forced to don a plate of food and shift uncomfortably in her seat, pretending that nothing was wrong while all the other girls devoured whatever catering had given them for the day.

So here she sat, a paper plate with a few pieces of lettuce and a less than generous scoop of macaroni and cheese that she had gotten just to avoid the comments about how 'a salad isn't enough' for her.

The Reflection tour was at its peak, and after performing a handful of shows all five girls had gotten into a routine. Camila loved being on stage. It was the only time she could actually interact with the girls without being a nervous mess.

The group had undergone some serious strain after Camila and Lauren's fight. All the girls sided with Lauren, and although they never said it directly, Camila knew they'd chosen the green-eyed girl over her. Without the presence of an audience, Camila was practically non-existent to them. It was as if they'd become Fourth Harmony and that one quiet girl.

She didn't blame Lauren for resenting her. But Camila refused to resolve the fight, because the only way to do so was to tell the truth. And even then, Lauren might not believe her. So Camila fell into her role as the loner, keeping to herself with and distancing herself from the group whenever she could.

After Camila first disappeared for a week, all the girls showered her in questions when she returned home. They'd believed her 'homesick' excuse the first time, but after another week passed and Camila was no where to be found, she couldn't recycle the same excuse. She hoped her great aunt Mimi hadn't actually died, but it was the only excuse she could muster up on the spot.

The girls knew something was up when Camila didn't join them on the first week of the tour. Out of all of the girls, Camila had been the most excited for opening night. And out of all of the girls, Camila was the only one not in attendance. They called her over and over, but Camila couldn't bring herself to answer her phone.

She'd thought about telling them she was in the hospital. That technically wasn't a lie, right? But then they may ask to visit, and Camila wouldn't know how to tell them that this wasn't your normal hospital. So she avoided all questions about where she had been.

The girls pointed out that Camila always seemed happier whenever she returned from her week-long disappearances. She'd show up to meals on time and eat just as much as the other girls. In the mornings, she'd take her 'energy pills' as she called them, and would be the last to tire out at rehearsals. But a few days later, the pills were forgotten and it was a miracle if Camila even showed up to a meal at all.

Her other bandmates had also noticed how little she ate, and when she actually did show up to eat with them, she'd sit as far away from them as she could, hang her head, and skate her food around her plate until they were called back to rehearsals. Camila took a few bites here and there, but would chew her food as slowly as she could to give herself the illusion that she was actually eating enough to sustain a normal human being.

Truth is, she wasn't. And if you asked her why, she wouldn't be able to tell you, even if she wanted to. She couldn't explain it to herself. It wasn't like the petite Cuban girl received much hate for her size. In fact, most of the comments regarding her figure commented on how skinny she actually was. Sadly, they only encouraged her to continue denying her body of the nutrients it needed.

Camila can't pinpoint an exact time where it started. She just remembers skipping a meal here and there before they got on the road for tour. Rehearsals, appearances, and interviews took up so much of their schedule that sometimes she just didn't have time to eat anything. She began living religiously off of water bottles, hoarding them in her bunk and chugging them whenever she got the craving to eat.