weak ➸ camren

chapter 18 ➸ i'm a coward

Camila had heard everything. Dinah and Lauren's entire conversation in the hallway was now replaying over and over in her head. She sat in the passenger side of Lauren's car, forcing herself to keep her eyes off of the older girl. They'd just kissed, and all Camila wanted was to kiss her over and over again, but she wouldn't allow herself that pleasure.

She felt increasingly guilty as she relived what she had heard her other bandmates talking about. If only it were easier. The words Normani had said were starting to resonate in her brain. This was her fault. Did Lauren really have feelings for her?

Camila lifted her head slowly and looked over at the girl in the driver's seat. Even doing something as simple as driving, Lauren was gorgeous. Camila sighed softly. They had kissed. But her mind was telling her that it didn't mean anything. That's what Lauren had said before, right? Camila was growing increasingly frustrated that she found it so difficult to talk about her feelings.

Truth is, she was scared of hurting Lauren. But from how they had been talking, and if Lauren really did have feelings for her, wasn't she hurting her by just being the way she was? Camila bit her lip when they pulled into the driveway.

"Home sweet home," Lauren smiled, completely oblivious to Camila's internal struggle. Camila just nodded and trudged along behind Lauren and into the house.

Lauren was growing confused by the way Camila was acting. After the kiss they shared, she had expected Camila to be even more attached to her. But it was quite the opposite, actually. Camila would barley look at her.

"I'm going to bed," Camila mumbled, kicking her shoes off in the kitchen and disappearing upstairs before Lauren could even question her. The green eyed girl sighed heavily and sat down at the island, hanging her head in her hands. The constant back and forth was causing her more stress than she needed.

Already exhausted, Lauren decided she would eat something and then go directly to bed, just as Camila had done. She was comforted by the fact that Camila had eaten a reasonable amount less than an hour ago. Lauren's appetite had been practically non-existent the past few days, but she knew she had to eat something to be able to keep up with the younger girl.

Lauren quickly made herself a sandwich and it was gone in less than five minutes. She stalled going upstairs by cleaning the kitchen, but eventually she couldn't avoid Camila anymore. She was scared that Camila was mad at her, and that Lauren had somehow messed up by allowing the kiss to happen.

She trudged upstairs, running a hand through her thick hair and slipping into the bedroom silently. Camila appeared to be asleep, which she was thankful for. Lauren changed quickly and slipped under the covers. As soon as her head hit the pillow, Camila proved that she wasn't asleep.

"I'm sorry," the smaller girl mumbled into her pillow. Her back was turned to Lauren. The green eyed girl lifted her head and raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry for what?" Lauren asked, now even more confused than she was before.

"Being like this," Camila huffed and sat up. "I heard you and Normani. I know how you feel. So sorry, because I obviously fuck up everything by being sick. And now I'm just fucking up your life too," Camila clenched her fists, trying to control her frustration with herself.

"Camila... I-I..." Lauren was surprised that Camila believed that. Lauren took a deep breath and shook her head, reaching out and placing a hand on Camila's shoulder so the smaller girl would face her. "That's not what's holding me back, Camila..."

"Then what is?" Camila snapped, turning her whole body around and crossing her arms over her chest. Lauren was taken aback by her outburst, hoping that Camila really wasn't this mad at her.