I (Dont) Hate You (TommyInnitxreader)

Mushy Peas

Ever since Tom and I had started to date everything has gone great. We spend a ton of time together, our friends support us, and my parents are happy for me. The only problem that we both know, but never seem to want to talk about is the fact Tom lives in the UK.

I had spent all morning thinking about it and the only conclusions I could keep coming to is that it wouldn't work out. It saddened me so much that I had been crying a bit throughout the day each time I remembered. Since my parents weren't home I felt safe to just sulk around the house. Even today Tom wasn't coming over even though he visited basically every day unless he would go out to vlog.

Today was one of those days that he was vlogging. Toby and Ranboo had asked him if they wanted to do some filming. I was happy he was getting work done here, but I needed him right now. My thoughts were starting to get more destructive than I had hoped. I couldn't even call Liz because she was going to her grandparents for a week. So to help my self at least a little bit I waddled up to my room and  turned on some music and played some Minecraft.

After a couple of hours of trying to just drown it out all I could build was a little house. It was so bad that it just looked like a basic dirt shack with flair. My attention was more turned towards the sad music I had mistakenly put on and the thoughts that kept making their way into brain. I let out a long disgruntled sigh as it was now just getting frustrating.

Instead I turned off my pc, pushed back my desk chair and laid myself on the fuzzy carpet on my floor. I didn't know exactly what I was accomplishing by doing this, but for some reason it was working. Just staring at the same speckled ceiling, focusing on nothing and everything at the same time drowned it out.

But good things always have to come to an end. I heard a ping on my phone and looked at it to see that Tom had started a live. They were all at the mansion and everyone was in the room messing around and yelling at chat. I skimmed through the chat and not too many people cared that Liz or I were there. Of course they didn't. We weren't streamers, weren't famous, and at least I was easily forgettable.

That's when the gates I had up to keep the bad thought out with were broken. I had come to the realization that it probably would have been easier to just forget each other. Tom was right. We both wouldn't be able to see each other regularly. There also would be a worse chance to even talk on the phone because of how busy he usually is.

I knew I was doing something rash. I knew that if I did this it would only make him worry more. I already knew the consequences of this as I had experienced it with Tom. I did it anyway as I grabbed my phone again after tossing it next to me and opened up my contacts and began one by one blocking Tom on everything I had contact with him.

Us being together wasn't going to end well. We already knew this from the beginning, but by some dumb decisions it happened anyway. To save him the trouble later it was best to just end it now. No matter how much it would hurt. Once I was done I tossed my phone onto my bed, climbed up with it and rolled myself in my covers, and balled up so I could cry in solitude.

***

It was maybe a solid 5 hours of crying and hating myself before I heard the front door open. I assumed it was my parents so I only flipped over on my bed to pretend I was napping. There was no way that I was going to show them how weak I was right now. Instead of my parents I heard the heaviest footsteps ever and I knew who it was. I didn't want to discuss this right now, but knew it would end up like this at some point.

When he cracked open my door he whisper yelled "Y/n? Are you alright? You hadn't responded to my calls. I got worried."

He only proceeded into the room and then seen the state I was in. Hair disheveled, curled into my blanked, and tears freshly falling down my face. His face looked so concerned and he wrapped me up in a hug, sitting on the bed with me. It hurt me how he was so caring when I knew I would have to break his heart.