The Hero Killings

19

Asher had fallen asleep after sobbing for a while, when he woke his right wrist was handcuffed to the door of the car. He looked to Carter with a look of disgust. "Don't look at me like that," Carter mumbled, "please, Asher don't look at me like that."

"You have me cuffed to the car," he sobbed back, "where are we going?"

"I promised you I would take you somewhere, didn't I? I keep my promises unlike you." Asher felt the anger in his voice, he lowered his eyes his cuffed hand closing into a fist as his other shook. "Hand."

"What?"

"Give me your hand, please." His voice was calm but there was a growl in the word, please. Asher's free hand was shaky as he gave it to Carter. Carter held his hand as he drove with the other, Asher bit his lip as he watched out the window. His breathing was quick and heavy. "Asher, I love you." Asher was silent, the silence was enough to blind Carter with rage. He pulled over quickly and turned to Asher with anger blazing in his eyes. "I said I love you." Asher's mouth felt dry, his eyes darting between Carter and the empty road. "Look at me goddammit."

Asher sat back but his eyes no longer darted, he gulped and looked at Carter. He knew exactly what he was looking for, he wanted him to say the same. The silence was deafening, he took a deep breath. "I love you too Carter. I..I'm sorry.. I am just sc..scared.. and I don't...I don't want to keep upsetting you but everything I do is making you angry."

"You lied to me, and hurt yourself. Of course, I am angry, you promised you would stay for me. You promised me you wouldn't hurt yourself, you..you.." Carter's fist was shaking in anger, Asher's hand was shaking as he pulled on the cuff. Carter was watching him pull on the cuff. He bit his lip, closed his eyes, and tried to think for a moment. Asher watched him, he stopped pulling on the cuff. Pain ran through his wound and he doubled over a bit. Carter opened his eyes at his hiss of pain. "Are you okay?"

Asher wasn't sure how to respond. "I don't know."

He didn't understand Carter, he was waiting to be hit or yelled at but Carter was now attempting to care about him again. Asher tried to think about his next move, he reached his hand out and Carter took it. "Are you okay? Really, I know. I know I probably scared you. I am so sorry, but you aren't yourself Asher. You hurt yourself baby, you aren't being yourself. I don't know how else to deal with this. I am just doing what I know," He tilted his chin up and planted a kiss on his lips. It was a soft careful kiss, but he was still feeling rage. "I need you to be safe, so if we have to go back to how life was before. We will."

"No!" Asher sobbed. "Please.. I can't do that again! Please please.."

Carter watched him for a moment, the look of terror on his face made him realize he was wrong. He pulled the key for the handcuff off his necklace and reached forward removing them. "Then you have to promise me, really promise me and not take it back, that you will not hurt yourself again." Asher rubbed his wrist, and rushed forward to hug Carter. He sucked in a breath of pain as he felt the pain in his new wound, but he was happy Carter wasn't going to force him into them again unless he messed up. "This is your last chance, Asher, do you understand? One more mess up and I will go back to the ways things were before and we will move back in with my parents."

Asher pulled away, he gulped and nodded. "I..I don't want to go back."

"Then listen to me." Carter grumbled as he started the car back up and got back to the road, Asher watched him as he drove twiddling his thumbs as he watched out the window. Memories began to come sweeping back as they drove familiar roads and past homes he once walked past as a child coming home from school. He was excited to be back home, but it was clear as they continued that there were posters of him everywhere.

"Carter." Asher began, Carter held up his hand and he grew silent, Carter had seen them but he had made a promise. They pulled up to the cemetery and Asher directed him towards his families gravesite. They slowly got out of the car, Carter watched the entrance to the cemetery worried someone would come in and cut Asher's time with his family short. He watched as Asher dropped to his knees between the three graves, his body went ragged as he sobbed. Carter slowly reached for him, Asher didn't fight the hand that laid on his shoulder, Carter slowly lowered himself to his knees to hug him.

Asher turned to look Carter over, Carter gave him a soft smile. "You deserve to live for them," Carter managed out, "I know I keep telling you to live for me, but live for them. Live for your sister, do the things she never got to do. Live for your parents, do the things they wanted to be there for." Carter cupped his cheek before kissing him softly. "I love you and I know I keep fucking up, but I don't want to be in your position right now sitting at your graveside everyday waiting for the day I get to see you again."

Asher looked him up and down before breaking down into tears again. Carter held him as he sobbed, he held him as his body shook. "I..I'm sorry." He sobbed again. Carter didn't respond to him, he just held him and let him sob. Carter slowly pulled away from Asher to let him grieve, he walked to the back of the car and grabbed his surprise for Asher.

"Asher, I got these for you to give to them."

Asher looked up, his eyes puffy. He looked over the items in Carter's hands, a doll for his sister, and two flower bouquets. Asher felt his heart break, he didn't know how Carter could be so terrifying and yet so sweet. He wanted to hate Carter but he loved him and he knew it. Asher slowly reached for them, Carter helped him as his shaking hands wrapped around the doll. He set it against the grave, and then did the same with his parents and the flowers. Carter didn't want to make him leave, but he knew it wasn't safe. "Baby we gotta go."

"But..Carter."

"Asher I'm sorry, but we gotta go." Carter helped him off his knees and picked him up carrying him to the car. Asher watched the graves, he didn't say anything, he had to let go. He had to, if he was going to figure out his life he had to let go. "Babe, just sleep okay?"

"Where are we going to go?" Asher asked softly.

"We have two kills to finish, the man who didn't die, and your uncle." Asher eyed him up and down, his lip quivering a bit, he nodded trying not to keep crying. "First though you need to get feeling better, so we will need to haul up for a while. Lay low."

Asher chuckled. "How are we going to lay low when we have to hide who I am?"

"We will figure it out, just sleep while I drive and figure things out." He leaned forward kissing his cheek before starting the car back up. "Now, sleep love."

Asher laid his head against the window, he just wanted to forget, he wanted to forget but he could never forgive.