Undefeated

Chapter Nineteen

Ned and MJ are my best friends, and I know I should be excited to see them, but I'm not. I'm scared. I feel like I'm always scared now. Scared of everything going back to normal. Scared of having to pretend I'm normal.

I don't want them to have to see me like this. I've never been good at hiding how I'm feeling, and right now, I feel broken. There's moments when I don't, but those moments never last long. 

The numb feeling always comes back, and I always welcome it. In a way, I feel like I deserve it. The pain reminds me of them, and if I didn't feel it, I wouldn't remember how happy I was when they were still here. I'm not sure I'll ever be that happy again.

May said it would get easier, but I can't imagine that being true. I can't imagine not feeling this way. I can't imagine not feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every time I think of them.

There's always a dull ache. Even when I'm laughing and smiling, it's there. I fall asleep with it every night, and wake up with it every morning.

Peter's alarm goes off, and I keep my eyes closed. These past few weeks I've relied on Peter to wake me up, but even he doesn't move.

"Peter," I groan.

"Mm?"

"Your alarm."

He doesn't respond, probably still asleep. I push up off of him, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. I hit snooze and then pull the blanket over my head.

By the time the alarm goes off again, I've already fallen back asleep. Peter jumps up, wide awake.

"We have to get up!"

"No, we don't," I groan.

"It's our first day back at school."

I roll over, facing the wall. "And that's exactly why I don't want to get up."

Peter kisses behind my ear, and my toes curl. His mouth moves down my neck, and when his tongue touches my skin, I jump upright, barely opening my eyes. Peter stares at me, smiling when he sees my messy hair and tired eyes. He pulls me into a hug, and I try not to fall back asleep.

"We can do this, Gracee."

"We can do this."

"Together."

I look at him. "Together."

He smiles, and I kiss him. I stand up and walk to the kitchen, rubbing my eyes along the way. May is already awake, making breakfast.

"Good morning, beautiful!" she says when she sees me.

"Good morning," I say in confusion. "Why are you up so early?"

"I just wanted to make breakfast for my two favorite people." She flips a pancake on the pan, almost dropping it on the floor.

"I'm honored."

She smiles. "Where's Peter?"

"I think he's in the bathroom."

"Peter Benjamin Parker, get in here!"

"I'm getting in the shower!" Peter yells from the bathroom.

"You just showered last night!"

"I need a way to wake up!"

"I made pancakes!"

Peter walks in, his eyes bright despite the dark circles beneath them. May hands us plates of pancakes before sitting across from us at the table.