Goodbye's Second Chance

I Saw the Truth When I First Laid Eyes on You

Christmas flew by in a blur. It was hard to see my family after everything and pretend like life was fine, but knowing that they were safe and had no idea anything was going on was a bit of a consolation. Oba-san came over on Christmas as usual. It was like old times. She still isn't 100% with us, but I think she's just happy to see her son happy and loved. She never mentions his father any more, which is a blessing, though I know deep down it still hurts Iwa.

We finally got to spend some time alone, no bodyguards, no housemates, just us in Iwa's apartment. His pancakes never tasted so good as they did then. I thought about finally proposing on New Year's, but I didn't want it to seem like a knee-jerk trauma reaction. I wanted us to both be in a better place before dropping something so big. We weren't even adventurous enough to go to the temple on New Year's, but I think my mom was just happy we were there to help out with the cooking and festivities.

The time inevitably came for me to fly back home. It'd been decided for me that Hitori would fly back with me and then come back to Japan himself after taking care of some other business left over in Buenos Aires. Of course we'd use Masashi's plane, as was the directive for all flights from that point on. He was still struggling with feeling responsible for everything. Iwa and I both knew that his responsibility ended with him saving our lives that Christmas night. He could have stayed out of it, knowing that it was another clan that was involved, but he chose to help us, that itself was more than most others would have done.

I held back the tears as I said goodbye to Iwa, until I saw tears in his eyes, then the damn burst. We had to look ridiculous standing there on the tarmac sobbing like babies, holding on to each other like we'd never see each other again. I could feel my body shaking as I held him. I was so scared to leave, but I knew that was just a response to all we went through. I knew we'd be ok, that we'd be together again soon, and that we had the rest of our lives to be together, but that little nugget of fear was seated deep in us now; that maybe this would be the last goodbye.

It might not be yakuza traffickers, but what if something does happen? I know I would not be able to live in this world without him. At least before we ever confessed to each other I could imagine he was happy somewhere and that was enough. A world without Iwa entirely is a world I couldn't exist in. He was my entire world. Everything else was just window dressings. I couldn't make myself let go of him until Hitori tapped me on the shoulder and told me we really needed to go. I seriously considered quitting volleyball completely in that moment.

I forced myself to unwrap my arms from him only to reach down and grab his cheeks in my hand and kiss him deeply one last time. I felt my lips start to quiver with the tears and I pulled away, putting my forehead to his. "I'll see you soon, Haji. I love you." The words coming out no louder than a whisper. "Not soon enough, Tooru. I love you. So much." Iwa's voice shook as he replied. I pulled away, only dropping his hand at the very last moment. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and splattered right there on the runway.

I stared out the window as the plane taxied away, watching Iwa and Masashi get smaller and smaller until I couldn't see them any more as we lifted into the air. I tried to hide how I sobbed, but there was only Hitori and I on the plane, so it was kind of obvious. We finally leveled out and I felt something cold touch my cheek. I lifted my head and looked around to see Hitori holding out a drink to me. I didn't even bother trying to hide the tears that streamed down my face. He spun the chair in front of me around and sat down facing me.

"You know, any time you want to come back and see him, Boss said he'll fly you back." Hitori said as he raised his glass to his lips. I just nodded. "You need to tell that bull headed boss of yours that he needs to stop blaming himself. His debt was paid, though it was never really his debt to begin with." I replied throwing back the caramel-colored liquor in one gulp. It was smooth and went down way too easily. Hitori kind of grinned lopsidedly as he swirled the ice around in his glass.