More Than Words

Forgiveness

Jim hadn't spoken to you since. You couldn't find it within yourself to blame him. It solidified a decision harder to make then almost any other decision in your life. You smiled sadly at the picture of your mom, stroking it fondly as your eyes watered. How cruel love could be, blessing you with such a wonderful woman only to have her stolen away from you. Wiping your eyes, you placed the framed picture into a box, the slamming of your front door opening barely even phasing you. You knew who it was. Much like Jim, you couldn't blame him for his anger towards you either.

"You're leaving?" Douxie snapped, Archie hopping off of his shoulder and sauntering over to you, purring as you scratched his chin. You shrugged, refusing to meet Douxie's eyes.

"It's time. I've been here long enough," you replied casually, like your world wasn't crumbling around you from having to leave your new home. Douxie didn't seem to know what to say; he stood there, sputtering in your doorway, watching you pack boxes while Archie followed you around silently, seemingly debating something. It stung seeing the look in Douxie's eyes, deep longing residing within him that he seemed unable to express. You hated to have accidentally placed those feelings within him, only to walk away again. Just like you had the first time, just like you had for years upon years. How long had Douxie been sitting around, wondering if you were alive? Was it for just as long as you had been thinking of him? 

"...don't you care at all?"

You froze, looking over at Douxie with an incredulous look.

"Excuse me?" You asked, Archie pacing around your feet in agitated curiosity. Douxie stared at you, a newfound resolve in his stance. 

"Don't you care at all? About me? About your friends?" You ignored how he didn't include himself in the friend category, recoiling slightly at the accusing tone.

"Of course I care, how could you possibly say that I-"

"You're leaving when we NEED you! I need you," Douxie snapped, stalking closer to you in anger. You stood your ground, your legs shaking but your decision firm. 

"It's what needs to be done. It is kinder to leave now before I do any more damage," you sniffed, crossing your trembling arms. He snorted, shaking his head, muttering something under his breath.

"Kind? You think this is kind? You truly believe you are acting out of the goodness of your heart? I have seen you be kind, be just, be powerful and brave and strong and a million other wondrous things I wouldn't have thought possible for one person to possibly be able to accomplish. No, this is not kindness. This is cowardice."

He grabbed your arms and you yanked them away, stepping back. It was your turn to sputter, to stare helplessly, wordlessly, confused and hurt at a few simple words. Fear. Cowardice. Your own personal terrors ripping through your life, and you just sit back and let them. His stare burned through you, exposing your hidden layers without your permission, digging into your soul to gauge out your deepest secrets and lay them bare in front of himself. 

"How much do you fear losing us? Losing this? Losing me? I wonder," he continued, taking a step forward, forcing you to step back. Your heart pounded in your ears; it was not like him to act like this, was it? It- it couldn't be, Douxie was patient and kind and understanding, and... human. Well, yes, an immortal wizard, but human. He was... tired. He sported rings under his eyes much like yours, similarly brought about by stress. Caring could be such a burden, a chore, a stresser and a killer, and yet. 

And yet you both still cared. About each other, about humanity, about the people in your lives. Was it not in your nature to care? You embraced that part of yourself wholeheartedly until the moment it got rough, where you'd pack up your bags and run away again. Bags, boxes, containers filled with hurt, anger, memories, everything bottled up before you had to deal with the brunt of it all. You'd already spent the first few hundred years living and dying inside over and over again. Yet you hadn't realized how much caring about others fully scared you until you were forced to confront it by the only person alive who could hold you accountable for it.