tragedy, always is in the sunset. maybe i call it beautiful because i don't know how to scream, how to explain it, maybe i don't know what other name to give, but maybe it's just beautiful. maybe it's just moonlight. the rest are fists and firsts and fireworks. death comes to me on rollerblades, asking for a lighter. i touch up my lipgloss in a store window. a pigeon lands on my shoulder and tells me knock knock jokes. i forget myself, on the tram tracks. i burn my house down with matches a neighbour gave me once. the fire is an old friend. i run into it like its seafoam. i forget myself on the tram tracks.
the silence has wings. it's the only song i know by heart, the only song that knows me by heart, indulgent journal entries, a ceiling full of spotlights, a cemetery of souls, a universe of exploding stars, and maybe i call it beautiful because no one ever taught me how to scream. how to give tragedy any other name, but maybe it's just beautiful. maybe it's just moonlight. the rest are fists. this is all i know. i'd go for a walk but my legs don't know they're legs. i'd splatter like paint against a canvas. picture this: a liminal space. this body means nothing to me. i'd sell it to the moon and go stand on the tram tracks and taste blood in my mouth. i'd feel it drip drip dripping down my palms. picture this: the park where i learned to ride my bike. i'm sitting on a bench. death comes up to me on rollerblades, asking for a lighter. i fish it out of my pocket and we make small talk. death grins. death sits next to me. maybe the blood is blushing gold, or honey. i dip my pen into your eyes. death waits. i forget myself on the tram tracks. i go blind in fluorescent grocery stores. i keep a matchbox under a creaky floorboard. just in case. death puts up fairy lights on the balcony. death inhabits a small set of bones, all knuckles and bruises and teeth. i sit in the passenger seat. i do not know who's at the wheel. and the rest is fists. the rest is life. so much life i start to choke. all of the lights, all of the scars,
goodbye, my city of stars
