Enough for You Remus Lupin x OC

Chapter Twelve

Warning: Mentions of depression

It's only been a week since I got back to Hogwarts and I'm falling apart. My grades have dropped significantly and I've been avoiding all my friends. I've even been skipping classes when I don't feel up to going. Remus was sick again earlier this week and disappeared from our potions class. I made a weak attempt to do our potion but I ended up screwing it up. Remus had to go and make up the work after class yesterday and I felt bad because if I would have just kept up with it then he wouldn't have had to do that.

All of my friends have been trying to help me because they have noticed something is wrong. I can't seem to let them help though. I feel like I'm a burden to them.

I'm sick of constantly feeling worthless. I constantly have this dark, heavy feeling in my chest that keeps me from enjoying life. My thoughts are hateful and nothing is going right.

I still haven't dropped my bad habit and it's getting worse. I couldn't care less though. I know I shouldn't do it but it's the only thing that I can feel. Everything else is clouded by that dark feeling. Who knew I would be addicted to self destruction.

I carry that dark feeling with me as I walk to my potions class. This is the first time I've been since Tuesday when Remus skipped. Today is Friday. I have two days worth of class work to make up in here but I have no plans to do it.

I make it to my class a few minutes late. I get a scolding from the teacher as I walk to my table and take my seat beside Remus. All the boys give me concerned looks but I ignore it and look away from them.

Slughorn assigns us our work and I start writing things as Remus grabs the ingredients we need. I continue writing my notes as he adds the ingredients. I don't offer to help or give any opinions. We work silently. The only noise is from him making the potion and the occasional sound of fingernails scratching fabric.

The cuts on my wrists itch as they heal. I never cut deep. Just enough to feel something. I'm not trying to end it I just need to feel something.

Eventually Remus takes notice to my constant scratching and he nudges my shoulder and points to my wrist.

"What's up with that? What are you scratching at?"

I feel my face heat up and my heart starts to pound.

"I got poison ivy over break." I lie.

I wince down at my paper after I say it. That is a horrible lie. How would I get poison ivy in the middle of winter.

Fortunately he doesn't seem to think into it and he just shrugs.

"Meet me by the Black Lake after dinner." He says plainly not looking at me.

I'm not doing that. I rarely leave my dorm after classes anymore.

"I have to study." I lie

"Yeah but it's not like you're going to so meet me after dinner."

I go to object but he shoots me a look and I know I'm not getting out of this. I guess I owe it to him for being a jerk since we got back to school. I huff but don't argue. After that I give up on taking notes. I let Remus finish the work and turn it in. That's the first good grade I've gotten all week and I didn't even do anything.

After Dinner
I slowly make my way out to the lake. I should be bundled up in a ton of clothes but I just wore what I normally do after classes. Sweats and a sweater. I added a hat though so my ears wouldn't be cold.

I eventually see Remus sitting on the far side of the lake. I walk over and take a seat beside him. I don't say anything. He is the one that wanted me to come here. He can do the talking.