Evening Star: Edward's Story

Chapter Twenty-One: The Morning After

Here's Chapter Twenty-one--it's a bit of a roller coaster. Hope you like it!!!

Everything belongs to the incredible Stephenie Meyer--I am only visiting her amazing world. :)

Please keep on VOTING, fanning, and commenting!!! Love you guys so much--best fans ever!!!

--Cassandra :)

PS I just reloaded this chapter after making a few little edits that I felt improved the overall flow and mood of the chapter. Hope you like it!! :)

**************

Chapter Twenty-One: The Morning After

Standing between the piano and my body on the piano bench, Bella looked down at me with an unfathomable expression as she leaned over to peer into my face.

“Edward,” she breathed, tipping her head to the side and brushing my lips with hers in the barest of kisses. “You know that you can tell me anything, right?”

“Mmmmhmmm,” I agreed, distracted by her warm, soft mouth toying with my mine.

Bella pulled back, grasping my face between both of her small palms and looking squarely in my eyes. She continued to speak in the merest of whispers, “Will you please tell me what is wrong before I go stark-raving crazy?”

Her determined brown eyes bored into mine, and I knew that she was not going to let me off the hook this time. No, definitely not.

Sighing for what felt like the hundredth time since sunset, I gazed into her eyes for a long moment before spilling the truth quickly, the words tumbling forth in the way I often speak when upset: “I get so angry with myself, Bella. I am so selfish. I want to be with you, always, but I still can't be sure it's the best thing for you. I try to make the best decisions, but the decisions I make are not made logically or reasonably, but are based on the love I have for you, not on what's safest. I don't know if I'm doing what is right, if I'm doing what is best for you. My greatest fear is that I will make a terrible mistake and you will be put in jeopardy, in danger—and you will suffer the consequences for my poor, selfish decisions. This fear...it's...agonizing....”

Closing my eyes to block out a little of the pain seeping through me, I took a deep breath and continued, “I wish with all of my being that I could let go of every concern, every worry, and truly enjoy this precious gift of loving one another that we share. But I keep thinking and imagining horrible things happening to you because of me, just like in Phoenix, and....

I squared my shoulders as I gazed deeply into her beautiful eyes, speaking slowly and with emphasis, “If there was any way, any way at all, that I could be human with you, I would. I wouldn't stop to count the cost. I would do anything to be with you in your world rather than forcing you into the dangers of mine. I just keep thinking, over and over, of all that could happen to you, all that could take you away from me forever, away from both of our worlds. I envision terrible, catastrophic things happening to you, all because of me—these visions keep running through my mind, and I can't stop them....”

My voice trailed off in agony, and I bowed my head, unable to look her in the face. I couldn't bear to see the hatred I so deserved in her eyes.

But that was cowardly. With resolve I forced my head up, and looked at my beautiful angel—the one I would lose, either now or later. Could she ever truly be mine?

Under my timid gaze, I watched Bella's brows rush together, her eyes burning with both love and frustration as she retorted, “You think far too much, Edward Cullen! Here we are on this romantic overnight trip that you spent so much time planning, and you keep worrying and worrying instead of enjoying just being together!”