Evening Star: Edward's Story

Chapter Fifty-One: Midnight Musings

A/N: I'm not starting a debate on Christian doctrines, but I do want to note that some of Edward's musings in this chapter are not consistent with the Christian beliefs on redemption. Edward does not consider “joining Bella in the afterlife” (i.e., suicide) as deserving of hell as he plots ways to join Bella in the afterlife—which is consistent in his beliefs expressed in New Moon as well. (I don't necessarily believe that suicides go to hell either—that's up to God, not me, thankfully!) As a Christian myself, I just want to point out Edward's inconsistencies as I see them since none of us can “deserve” heaven. It's all grace. :) 

Chapter Fifty-One: Midnight Musings

Bella had fallen asleep in my arms precisely ninety-six minutes ago. We lay on her small bed, the window open to catch the mid-September breeze after the heat of the day. The past weekend had been unusually warm with temperatures in the low eighties during the day. With the weather uncharacteristically sunny, my time outside of my family's home has been terribly limited. I have only been able to leave the house to see Bella during the evening hours after sunset. Fortunately, as this sunny period had struck over the weekend, Bella was able to spend much of my restricted time with me. Although she had worked at Newton's most of Saturday, yesterday we spent several hours in our meadow.

A smile spread across my face as I recalled our time together. Bella still seemed so in awe of my appearance in the sunshine, and the sincerity and loveliness of her admiration often makes me forget the monster I am under the skin-deep beauty...for a few moments, at least. As we laid on a blanket in the center of the meadow, Bella nestled close to me as we exchanged chaste kisses...well, mostly chaste kisses. She enjoyed testing my boundaries, and, although I would never admit it to her, I often enjoyed it just as much as she did. Until I had to pull back and stop her, that is. But even her pout was endearing.

However, I had definitely missed spending today with her in school. The unrelenting sunshine forced me to remain out of sight, but Bella's draw upon me was too strong to be denied, especially with Alice's visions of an impending separation continually in the back of my mind. Thus I returned to my “stalkerish” behavior of last spring when I spied on Bella during the sunny days when I could not be seen in public.

Due to my absence from school today, I was not surprised to see Mike Newton at Bella's side in my place. Would he continue to take my place if Bella and I were separated? Bella's expression of supreme annoyance at his puppy-dog devotion throughout the day brought me more than a little satisfaction, but Newton didn't seem to take the hint...or several hints. His mind revolved around Bella constantly, and not all of his thoughts consisted of crude observations of her appearance...which somehow annoyed me more than his usual crass attitude.

As I monitored his thoughts during lunch, I was dismayed to note his real admiration of Bella's beauty as she threw her head back, laughing at something Ben had said to Angela. With Bella's cheeks glowing, her eyes bright, her smile sparkling, Mike's thoughts were beyond annoying as he noted her loveliness with a true sincerity of heart of which I had previously considered him incapable.

If I was forced to leave Bella for some reason which Alice's visions had yet to reveal, I was certain that Newton would be ecstatic and more than willing to take my place.

Part of me realized that Bella would be far safer with Newton or another human, rather than with myself and my vampire family. We were a constant source of danger to her, so I tried to convince myself that I should be pleased that she would be safer in Newton's keeping.

Of course she would be. Even though it would quite literally destroy me to let her go, I would do so to keep her safe. Her happiness and safety were more important to me than anything else in the world.