Chronically, Me

Nine

Drew

Drew breathed in the scent of home as she closed the door behind her.

Utterly exhausted from school, she wanted to make a beeline to her room and flop on her bed but the sight of her mother stepping down from the stairs, carrying a bag in her hand, stopped her.

Drew looked at her mother and then at the bag.

At her mother. At the bag.

Mother. Bag. Mother. Bag.

It is what you think it is, you idiot.

But Drew didn't want to jump to that. She didn't want her suspicions to be true. But the tight expression on her mother's face said it all.

Drew closed her eyes. "Don't tell me this is what it is."

She could sense her mother drawing closer. "Drew, your father has already made the decision and the doctor he talked to is one of the best."

There it is.

"So were the rest," Drew muttered under her breath as she let the strap of her bag slip from her shoulder and fall to the ground. She glared at her mother.

Her mother sighed. "I know it is hard for you. But it is hard for us too. We just have to keep trying."

There were the same words spoken by her mother over three years but each time more pain and desperation were laced in them. She hated that.

"And where has it ever gotten me, ma." Drew pleaded. "Every time I hope to get better, I just don't."

Exasperated, her mother took a deep breath, possibly to keep the rising temper in check. "You're not the only one in this, Drew. We are in there with you too."

So why I do keep feeling lonely?

There was so much rage and bitterness behind that thought that made Drew involuntarily shudder.

She panicked that that single word had the power to undo her. In the scariest way possible.

All those truths and lies she had weaved together so immaculately all these years would tear apart from each other.

And Drew wasn't ready for that.

She wasn't ready to willingly let herself go through that.

So she took a deep breath, wiping away all those dangerous thoughts, and focused on her mother's tired face.

There was something in her eyes that Drew absolutely detested. Hope.

A small hope that they could find the right answers this time. A hope that her daughter would eventually be okay. Be normal again.

But what her mother didn't know was that it was that same hope that broke Drew over and over again and by the time she reassembled herself, she couldn't recognize the person she became.

So Drew tried one more time. "Can't we just not go?"

Her voice shook with a strange fragility that scared her.

Her mother just pursed her lips at that request. "The decision has been made already. Your father will be here any minute now."

Drew let out a heavy sigh and she headed for her room, her shoulder slumping in dejection.

She was changing into a new set of clothes when she heard her mother call for her.

Her father was waiting in the car.

So Drew stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. The face that looked back at her looked composed, not giving away any hint of the pure chaos inside her.

Satisfied with the facade she had managed to put on, she followed her mother out of the house.

Her father gave her a small nod. "This should take us a few days but I have a good feeling about this."

"Okay."

They climbed into the car together. Her father looked at her through the rearview mirror. "You can pull through this. All you need is willpower."

The strong urge to snap back at her father forced her to bite her tongue. The physical pain of it was enough to control her temper and clear her head.

Starting the engine, her father pulled the car out of the driveway and steered towards the road that would take them out of town.

Her phone dinged as a message popped on the screen. Drew tapped on it to find it was from Emerson.

E- I saw the movie.

D- what?

E- I saw Ferdinand.

D- okay......

E- okay

D- ......Ferdinand

When she momentarily glanced at the window to take in the outside world passing by, her eyes stopped at her reflection on the glass.

She was surprised to see a smile on her face.