Try Your Hardest | Ushijima Wakatoshi

Year 3: Part 4

A/N: Sorry I left this story for a while, I got unmotivated and also got confused with what I was trying to accomplish lol. I also deleted the last chapter because I didn't like how it fit in with the direction I was trying to go in and I replaced it with this one.

Thank you for your patience!

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Warning: abuse, suicidal thoughts

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All the vibrant colors in the world were slowly fading into dreary shades of gray.

Riding to visit her mother, Uta stared at the bouquet of blue, white, and pink hyacinths observing that they seemed to be duller than she remembers. Her mother loved hyacinths. Or, at least she assumed she did since she had a very vivid connection between her mother and the flower. Memories from when things were fine between Uta and her parents are hazy, but she recalls details here and there.

There's a tornado of negative thoughts in her head. Visiting her mother still induced anxiety, being far away from her home gave her anxiety, thinking about Ushijima gave her anxiety too. For the past few days, he is all she can think of. Winter break rolled around and she got all her homework done early because she was using it as a distraction until there was none left to do. The rest of her time was used up by compulsive cleaning, repotting plants, or tending to the garden.

It's been almost two weeks since Ushijima had spoken to her. The day after the match with Karasuno she tried to reach him, but he didn't take her calls so she took it as a sign to give him some space. But how much is too much? She worried that ever since she told him about what happened between her family he had been avoiding her. Maybe laying it all out for him was too overwhelming? Maybe he didn't want to be involved with someone that had too much baggage? Or was this really about moving overseas? What in the world is he thinking?

Uta gently glides her fingers across her forehead where she remembers Ushijima's warm lips had kissed her and his words: 'You are beautiful'. She has a clear picture in her head of his gruff, sincere voice and warm embrace, she had never felt more safe in her life. It wasn't until Tamako died that she realized how alone in this world she was. No family, no place she felt was secure, it was like constantly walking on a a thin sheet of ice that would break at any moment. But that night with Wakatoshi, she believed she had found a safe space in her dark corner of the world.

But it all come crumbling down, and now she is truly alone.

Tears are threatening to burst from her eyes, but she is luckily distracted by the driver. "Iriye-san, we have arrived."

"Ah, thank you," she mumbles as he opens the door for her.

Uta gazes her eyes upon the tall psychiatric facility, it seems sort of like a prison to her right now. She looks down at the flowers she's holding and thinks they don't look much different. She takes a deep breath and reminds herself that she must maintain a positive attitude when visiting her mother. Forcing a smile on her face, she walks through the doors.

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Ushijima stood outside his mother's house, staring at the door wondering if it was a good idea to go in. He hadn't been home in a very long time and he much less hadn't seen or spoken to his mother. He noticed her car in the driveway, so an interaction was inevitable.

'Maybe I'll just come back later', he thought to himself. But just as he turned around, he heard the door open.

"Wakatoshi?" his mother spoke.