Delicate Pulse | Violentine

Boiling

TW: mentions of child ab*se, child neglect and major themes eluding to s*lf h*rm and su*c*de. Please take care of yourselves.

There was a weird-ass moment in my life when my dad proposed that we played a game of hide and seek.

I must have been an annoying piece of shit that day because my dad had never planted that idea in my head. I think I might have thought he was just kidding.

He told me to hide and he started counting.

I crawled into a kitchen cabinet, curled up and closed it behind me. The call out of numbers grew to a muffle and slowly with time started to fade out.

The sun was up when I last saw it. By the time I finally left, busting to take a piss, it was dark.

Turns out he forgot about the game and went to the pub instead. I sat in a humid dark cabinet for five hours.

It was fucked up but at the time my dumbass six-year-old brain just thought I was really good at hiding. This confidence of mine had proved itself time after time as years ticked by.

Hiding out of sight was one of the only things I was good at.

Seeking, however, was a fucking bitch. The people around me were disappearing without a trace and I couldn't find them.

It started with Clementine...which wasn't a concern at all. Our last encounter was over a week ago now. I listened to her. I kept my distance. I held my breath and tongue. She was only present in my life for two events; lights out and early mornings.

I thought this would upset Brody again but I didn't have to worry about that. She was never in our room. At one point, I had entirely forgotten she was my roommate.

Her priorities have always rested with school but things were shifting. The times I did manage to point her out, she was latched onto Marlon. She never left his side. Neither did the stress lines on her forehead.

I heard she had a bit of a meltdown in History class the other day. Something about a bad grade. I've been meaning to check in on her but I can't find the fucking time because I've been trying to catch up with Minnie.

Her life has been flipped upside down. Her days are packed with band practice and study. Band practice and study. Band practice and study shoved into a shitty washing machine and cycling over and over again. I hardly even see her anymore let alone speak with her. 

I was so confused about how her schedule got this manic...then I walked into her rehearsing a song with Alex and Stephanie.

That's all I've been thinking about.

"Do I need to call someone?"

Louis nudges me with a book, bursting my trance. I return to my surroundings. The library, I don't even remember why I'm here. I shove the book back into his chest. "No."

"Where in the world were you just now? I was starting to think the lizard people finally abducted you and took your place."

I ignore his comment. He tilts his head, dreadlocks falling across his eyes. "Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?"

I didn't have the strength to resist his prompting questions. "Are Alex and Stephanie in the band now?!"

"What?"

I stare at him until it clicks in his walnut brain. "Oh, yeah, I think so. Did not see that coming."

He pats the book gently on my head then pulls a chair and sits across from me. "Aren't they bitches?"