Love me like you loved her | [Re-writing]

~ Part five ~

Authors note - Long time, no see. Decided to pick up this story once again.

TW - As always, talking about hard subjects such as loss, intrusive thoughts, etc...

{No ones POV}
As small footsteps can be heard from outside, Dianna slowly brings her knees to her chest, burying her face in them. Silently tears start to fall, covering her face like small water pearls.

What's wrong with me?.. Why can't I just be more like you...

Collecting herself, she lightly smacks her face as a way of telling herself to pull herself together. She gets to her legs a bit wobbly, waiting a bit before making her way back to the room Kaitlyn and her was once in. As she enters the room, she instantly feel the wave of quilt hitting her.

In attempt of pushing the feeling down, she picks up a bear plushie from the ground, dusting it off with her left hand. Instant memories flash through her mind, swallowing her whole.

The feeling was once back, feeling as tears was pressing on. She took a deep breath letting her arms fall limp against her body, quickly making her way into another room, rather than focusing on the one person she would never get the chance to see again.

As she enters the bedroom, she carefully sits down on the bed hugging a pillow close. Burying her face into the familiar warmth and smell.

As Sophie's scent still lingers on the pillow, she just sits there taking in the moment. For a few seconds she could feel her presence, almost feeling enchanted by finally feeling the small bit of safety.

Small sobs begins to escape her mouth.
"I-I miss you so much- Sophie.... I d-don't know what to do- I don't even know if I can do t-this anymore... Please.."

Sniffles can be heard as she lets out bottled up feelings once again.

"I need you Sophie.. I don't know how- how to.. live without you... I can't-"
Realizing what she was saying she cut herself off, it felt true though. When you loose the one person you care for the most, it feels like you lost a whole part of yourself. There's emptiness, and when you're this low, how are you ever going to get up again?.. When the light is gone, and all you see is darkness.

Pulled out of her thoughts, she feels her phone vibrate, making Dianna almost jump.

She takes out her phone, from her pocket, as the name "Sis" can be seen on screen. For a few seconds she just sits there, until she finally picks up, sliding her finger across the screen.

"H-hey... What do you want?" Dianna says drying her face with the sleeve of her shirt. You can clearly hear she had cried from the hoarseness in her voice.

A light voice can be heard on the other side, sounding worried upon hearing the tone of voice from Dianna.

"Ann! Are you okay?" She says.

Dianna coughs a bit, trying to get the hoarseness under control, she didn't want to worry her sister.

"Y-yeah, uhm I'm fine"

"You sure? You don't sound that goo-"

"Yeah I'm fine, don't worry.. Why'd you call?" Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Dianna starts fiddling with the hem of her shirt trying to get her mind on something else.

Getting reminded again of why she called, Samantha stumbles over her words trying to figure out what to say. Honestly she didn't really know why she called, she did know what had happened with Sophie, but she wouldn't want to hurt Dianna more than she already was hurting.

"Oh uhm well- I just wanted to talk. I'm your sister after all. Maybe catch a bit up, it's some time since we last talked" she said softly, trying to make Dianna more comfortable.

They used to talk about everything, Dianna and Samantha was inseparable as kids, but through their whole childhood their mother would treat Ann differently from Dianna. Meaning they would slowly drift apart, as their mother wouldn't see Dianna and Samatha as equal. Ann was her little Angel, while Dianna was just the child she never wanted and neglected. Dianna then learned to take care of herself, and grew up not needing anyone, until she met Sophie of course.

As Dianna thought through Samantha's words, she slowly started going over the different things she could want to talk about, but none really stuck out.

"I mean, sure. I just don't know what to tell you.." Dianna said plainly, curling into a little ball on the soft bed taking in the still vague scent of Sophie.

"Well- how have you been feeling recently? Like- uhm... What have you been up too?" She didn't want to act like nothing had happened, but also she didn't want it to seem like she was only talking to Dianna out of pity.

She was hit with once again silence from Dianna.

"Ann?" She asked softly, making sure to not make her uncomfortable.

"Yeah sorry.. Thinking. Well I've been-... Okay I guess.." the last sentence sounding like not even herself was sure about it.

Samantha sighed, letting out a breath.
"Ann I'm not just going to pretend like that's true.." she says, making Dianna take a hitched breath.

"Mom told you didn't she?.."

"Well she didn't exactly tell me. I overheard her talking about it, or well.. More yelling"

It felt like Dianna had just been punched directly in the chest, knocking all air out of her. She lifted her hand, clutching it to her chest. Now hatred started spreading through her body.

"That bitch" she let out under her breath. Samatha just sighed as she heard this, knowing that their mother had been horrible to Dianna.

"I'm sorry Dianna.. I really am. I was thinking I could maybe come by, and we could talk a bit more in person?.. But you would maybe rather wait a bit with that?" Samantha asked softly.

Samantha was hit with silence from Dianna, letting her think for a bit.

"I honestly don't know.. I'm sorry Sammie, but I don't want you to see me like this. I'm-.. I'm not myself anymore..." Samantha felt as sadness fell over her.

"N-no shut up Ann. That's not true. You're still yourself, you just-.. You're having some struggles right now, and that's fine. We all have those-"

"No Samantha. Stop. It's just not a struggle and you know that. I know you're just trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping. You're just wasting your time. I'm a goner, I'm sorry Samantha but your sister is gone" she said coldly.

In the back of her mind she knew this was hurting herself just as much as it was hurting Samantha, but she wanted to save her from the pain she would feel when Dianna once breaks fully and can't take it anymore. When she's not here anymore.

Tears started to form in Samantha's eyes, feeling hurt by the words Dianna had told her.

"N-no Dianna s-stop. We both know that's not true, it's n-not true. Don't say stuff like that!" Tears filled her eyes, rolling down her face.

Dianna couldn't form anymore words, the sadness once taking over again.

Why is this the only thing I'm good at?.. I keep hurting people, why can't I just be like you. Why can't I just be better.. Please Sophie...

"I'm sorry Sammie.." Her voice sounding hurt as she hung up, letting the phone fall to the floor.

She hugged herself, falling back on the bed. All energy drained through these last days, she softly falls asleep, hugging the pillow close to her chest.

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Hope you liked this depressing chapter.
I haven't been feeling well recently, so this chapter might've been hard to read. Sorry <3
- Nate
{1308 words}