Just Revenge

Chapter Thirty-Two: We're Good

They say that, in the hardest of times, you learn who you truly are. Well, it turns out who I truly am is a coward. I didn't skip school or anything the next day, but I pretty much avoided anyone and everyone that I knew while I was there. The only thing I couldn't avoid, was the post-show meeting in the auditorium after school. Now that the show was over, we had to have one last cast and crew meeting to decide points for the show before we put it behind us for good. And, as I was no longer sure who was and wasn't talking to me within the theatre troupe, this was about to be a particularly crappy meeting.

As I walked into the performing arts hallway after school, I debated just skipping the meeting. I mean, how much did I really need credit for doing the show? But that thought was very much short-lived. I'd been a lead in this show and I was not about to forfeit lead level points just cuz no one was talking to me. And, honestly, I didn't even know if no one was talking to me. Maybe nobody was even all that mad. Maybe they were all over it by now, which was a ridiculous thought, but I technically didn't know it wasn't true.

When I pushed my way into the auditorium, I kid you not, literally all of the conversation in the room halted. Even though the room fell silent, I didn't let myself slowdown from the second I walked through the doors until I was safely tucked into a seat a few rows into the auditorium's house seating. When I sat down on my own, the room immediately broke back into conversation, most of it unfortunately about me. I could hear my name coming from some of the groups around me; no one was trying to pretend they were talking about anything else. I'm not sure what else I was expecting; we're theatre kids, over-dramatic, gossipy, and shameless are pretty much our entire brand. Luckily for me though, none of my "friends" were here yet. And I put friends in quotation marks because, honestly, I have no idea who counted as that and who didn't anymore. Times like this were when I desperately wished I had a cell phone to bury my head in. Instead, I fished a book out of my backpack and stared down into it, not actually reading from it, but desperately needing an excuse to not look like a pathetic loser as everyone around me unabashedly stared at me in excitement.

By the time Lis and Abbi entered the auditorium, I was pretty much ready to combust, but I didn't dare look up at them. For some reason, watching them pick a seat away from me would've been more embarrassing than just letting them do it on their own. To my surprise though, I felt Lis's bag hit my leg as she dropped it to the floor and slid into the seat next to me.

"Move down one, would ya? Abs needs a seat too"

I tried my best not to let my absolute shock seep into my face as I picked up my bag and moved one seat down to give Abbi an empty seat. Judging by the amusement on Lis's face, the acting role this summer had not, in fact, improved my acting skills.

"Thanks"

Abbi was quieter than normal as she situated herself in the seat. She didn't seem to be as completely unbothered as Lis was which kind of made me feel better. At least I wasn't the only one uneasy right now.

The three of us sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes as the rest of the troupe gossiped on around us. None of us really seemed sure what would be appropriate to say.

Out of nowhere, Abbi broke the silence with a loud sigh.

"Are we good?" She leaned forward to make eye contact with me around Lis.

I was, to put it lightly, floored. "Aren't you mad at me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course not. You got caught up in the scheme." She shrugged, "It's not exactly your fault. You wanted a boyfriend and you finally got one, so you got confused."

I couldn't believe it. I was the luckiest human being on the planet.

"I mean, you said it yourself that you wouldn't be able to finish it off. That's the only reason I stepped in. Otherwise, I would've just let you handle it."

Wait what. "What?"

"The yelling thing. I'm not actually upset, but they wouldn't have believed me if I would've just spoken to them rationally about it. They would've assumed I was lying or something."

I...what. "So you were just..."

She smirked victoriously, "Acting? Ironic, huh?"

I had never been so angry in my life. How fucking dare she? I couldn't have spoken if I'd wanted to right then. The sound of Max's voice kept echoing in my mind, layering over the sound of Ror's sobbing and the way none of them could even bring themselves to look at me. The look in Cort's eyes as he walked past me had haunted me even in my sleep last night and I'd spent the entire day today alternating between fighting guilt and fighting tears and she had the audacity to act like it didn't matter??? Like it didn't mean anything???

"I can't believe we actually pulled it off though, not gonna lie. I mean, I always thought they'd be tougher to crack, but Max didn't even come to school today. And Miranda was talking earlier about how she got an email saying that the debate team had an 'urgent meeting' today so a bunch of the others aren't gonna be able to make it. I stopped by the debate room on my way here though and either they learned how to make themselves invisible or they aren't really feeling like hanging out together right now." Abbi kept rambling on about our supposed victory, but each new piece of information just felt like a punch to the gut.

Was Max okay? And the debate thing meant that Ror, Cort, Luke, Harper, and Diana weren't coming either. Why weren't they hanging out together though? They should've been together right now. They needed to be together and talking crap about me until they felt better, not alone. Especially Ror, she couldn't be handling this well and I knew it.

No way Cort would let her be alone right now though; he'd take care of her. I calmed myself down by hanging onto that small thread of comfort. Cort would make sure Ror was okay. And Max too. They probably weren't in the debate room cuz they went over to Max's house as soon as school ended. That's all.

I steadied myself.

Evidently, Abbi had noticed my lack of response to her victory rant.

"Carmen." She looked concerned, "We're good, right?"

She stuck her hand out for a fist bump and a part of me was tempted to push her hand away, but I stopped myself. Twenty minutes ago, learning that my best friends in the world were still talking to me would've been enough to make my day. If I pushed them away right now, I truly would have no one. And her heart was in the right place; she'd really thought she'd been helping me.

I stuck my fist out, gently bumping hers, "Yeah, we're good."