Third Devil Tears

Crying for Help!

Abuse is such an ugly word and the fact is that, it predominantly happens a lot in the world. There are many forms of abuse: domestic, physical, emotional, sexual, financial, discriminatory, modern slavery, institutional, neglect and self-neglect.

One does not know they will be abused until it happens or they ignore all the signs that are pointing to that but, refuse to believe it. They refuse to believe that a loved one especially, someone who is suppose to love and care for them; can treat them like shit. They can believe that a total stranger, someone who does not know anything about them and does not care for them in the slightest, would do it. But, once it starts it never stop unless the victim does something about it.

After Clarissa, my mother, died giving birth to me; a lot has changed. What do I mean by that? How would I know something is wrong if I was just born into the world? Well, my father Johnathon, he became cold towards me. He blamed me for my mother's death. He changed so significantly that he detached himself from the world and he didn't know what to do without my mother being present. This did not happen the same day that I was born or I should say, the same day my mother died. But it happened progressively slowly throughout the years. He did not blame me for her death at first. He accepted me as his daughter and took care of me. But, grief does something to a person. He did not get to grieve my mother properly in the beginning because he was so busy taking care of me. But, once I was old enough to know what was right from wrong and handle myself without being supervised 24/7 like an infant; he started to get distant towards me.

He was distant with everyone else in his life in the beginning or the first couple of years after my mother's death. At first everyone thought that he was grieving and balancing taking care of me. But, the fact was that he never grieved. His sole purpose became taking care of me, until I can manage on my own. When I was seven years old, that is when he decided that I was old enough to take care of myself; that is when the neglect started.

He started with forgetting to pick me up from school and then leaving me home for an odd amount of hours. Then, he started to come home drunk and then come home even less. He stopped making me food to eat, resulting with me learning how to make it for myself. Then, the house started to be neglected also. He stopped cleaning up after himself etc. So, I had to step up and clean. When the time came for me to start high school, he stopped paying for my school stuff. But, it did not stop there because he stopped paying for a lot of things all together. He started day drinking and night drinking. It was then my duty to find a job, so that I can pay for the bills and my school things among other necessities. Once he realized that I started taking care of everything that he supposed to be doing, he started to slack off even more. I soon became the parent because I had to give him some of my earnings as well; to pay for his drinking problem.

Soon after, he got fired from work. It became impossible for him to even go to work with how his new schedule started to operate. This was always a given because he wasn't even paying for anything anymore. I became the parent and I became responsible for everything, even him.

After school I had to make sure that everything was clean and precise. I had to make sure that he had his food on the table, ready for him to eat. I was practically a maid and a stranger all in my home. The place that was suppose to be my comfort.

Things started getting tight because he was demanding more and more money everyday. I was already working two jobs as it is and it still wasn't enough for us. So, I started making up excuses, saying that I need to pay for things at school and that the bills are starting to get higher. But, this was only working for some time. He started to catch on and began to get verbal with me, this is when the emotional abuse started. He started to demand for me to give him the money that I was earning and that he will manage it. But I just couldn't, I knew that he would not be able to manage the money properly; especially with how he drinks.