Third Devil Tears

The Desolation...

Depression.

It is like a fucking disease, negatively affecting the function of an organism. Just like a disease, depression is associated with specific signs and symptoms. The two are so oddly alike because even both are medically treatable.

Did you know that sharks get depressed?

For example, the great white shark can not be kept in captivity i.e. in an aquarium. Have you ever wondered why? They get depressed while being in captivity. They would either stop eating or they would head butt their noses into the glass walls of the tank; they essentially commit suicide.

Well I am like the great white shark.

Well nearly like the great white shark, I am not suicidal. I do not want to kill myself at all. But, I essentially hate the life that I am currently living.

I yearn for a different life but, would that drive me to the point of suicide? No.

I just need to find a way out and I am trying to do so, I really am. It has essentially become a bit hard to remember what I am really fighting for again. I continuously forget what life has to offer out there. That there is more to life than this hell. That there is a chance that I can be completely and utterly happy, if I could just hold on a bit longer and fight for what I want.

But, can I really hold on for much longer?

Just a few months ago, I was sexually assaulted; nearly raped and who knows what else. My father abuses me any chance he gets. I get bullied at school every weekday and I do not even have one friend that I can call my own.

I do not even have the comfort of a mother, a mother who can hug and kiss all my troubles away. A mother who can reassure me that everything will be alright. I never had a mother figure in my life, so you can imagine all that I have been missing on.

Everyday I wonder, when will it all end? When will I finally get that big break in my life? When will I finally be happy?

Well the answer that I have for now is, who the hell knows?!

Just like the sad great white shark, I am in captivity and because of this captivity; I am depressed. 

Life has me in captivity and I can not find the key. Life is breathing down on my neck and has a tight grip on my throat, crushing my only airway of breathing. Thus, I am drowning and it does not care. It mocks me and it is laughing at my pain and suffering, it rejoices in my misery.

You see how cruel life can be? Just like the fucking humans who tried to capture the poor great white and throw away the key? The only means of the sharks freedom.

But, you see; I am human as well. Unlike the shark, I can try to crawl myself out of this predicament and look for the key.

The key to my freedom.

I can finally turn around and laugh back at life, stealing my happiness and freedom away from it.

******

Today is a Saturday, which means my father will not be home until late this evening. Usually I would clean up around the house and then head to the library for a study session. This was already a routine. But, today I am going to do a little investigation.

I always wondered why my dad and I were always alone. I knew that when I was younger or before I was born; he had friends. But, he isolated himself away from them after mom died.