Avenged At Dusk

Oh, No.

Why did he have to come today? I never was a fan of just dropping in on Christmas Eve but look who put the big picture back up on the screen. Iron Man, the dude who was set to be a dooshbag since day one of his mother's pregnancy. He was such a stick up our butts and he came the one day, of all days to torture me with his fancy dooshbag words, and his fancy dooshbag technology and his stupid dooshbag face. Come on bro of all days? Although this big comment that was about to be set in words would surely "do damage" but I can't really say it if I don't know where he is. When would the billions of dollars that were spent on you so you can look a few days younger come to me? You are so getting an iron hand in the face right about now... wait, what? Why do you look like a skunk on the highway? Oh my biscuits! He isn't doing so well on the breathing side. I feel around for his heart and then and there I realized, he has a collapsed lung and if it isn't stabilized soon, he may die. Should I help him, or let him die and let his family or what he has left of a family know that I didn't even try? I have to help him. He has to stay alive until he gets released from a hospital so I can punch him so hard he will never be able to walk again. As I take his lifeless body to the E.R. I feel a sensation of relief and gratitude when I see a Avengers logo on the side of a "get well soon" card and another on a "it's a boy" balloon and another card and another on a doctors scrubs. What kind of hospital is this? As I run outside I realize, it's the Avengers Memorial Hospital and underneath the giant sign it says "giving 50% of profits to our own Iron Man since 2015!"
Why would a man with such wealth get even more money? Boom! What was that? Ow! Urg! Ahhh! Oh my biscuits! That's a long way down! I never really liked cliffhangers, and I really don't like them in person, especially when you're the one hanging from the cliff! Why is a giant cliff here? It wasn't there a second ago, oh, it wasn't here a second ago. Ow! Come on giant spider! Ewwwww! I hate spiders. And this cliff isn't getting any easier to hang onto when you only have one hand that isn't numb. Oh no I'm slipping...