evo sta ti tfthkab uradi smh.....

ovaj deo ima vise nego prosli ngl jako sam proud

his face burned.

his mind, his thoughts, were chaos.

he hoped that, at the very least, the red on his face couldn't be seen in the darkness.

his heart skipped a beat every time they passed a streetlight.

he mustn't let himself be seen like this, his body burned with shame, with embarrassment, the tingles he felt on his hand from her hand grasping it, everything burned.

he relaxed his hand, the one she was holding, he made himself relax it as he stumbled behind her, struggling to keep up. she mustn't feel him squeeze her too tightly because she would start to worry that something is wrong, but no, no no, he can't let that happen because he's not worth worrying so much over and he's having such a good time right now. but, then, he mustn't relax his grip too much because then she might think he doesn't want to hold hands and that he's uncomfortable which would be the furthest thing from true, because he couldn't feel more joy right now, he could barely contain it all.

he loved how lost she got sometimes, how excited she got, how visible it was just from one glance at her. she always did this. she always grabbed his hand hastily and ran off somewhere, dragging him along, her hold so tight. she would realize halfway through their running and almost, just almost tripping every time, that she was dragging him and she would stop abruptly, turning to check if he's okay. he was okay, he was fine with her, he would always be fine with her. even if he scraped his skin somewhere, his knuckles bleeding, or if he tripped suddenly, blood rushing to his head and a gasp escaping his lips before he caught himself and missed the painful encounter with the ground below.

he would always be fine as long as he was with her.

his other hand was in a fist, his nails digging into his flesh, hurting, making small moon crescents in his palm, which he hoped wouldn't start bleeding. because, because, what if, if she suddenly decided to switch hands, and his bloody palm stained hers ? he couldn't let that happen. but his only relief was that, having something to grip, to stifle the blood rushing to his face.

and then,

as if calling for it,

he tripped on an upturned brick in the pavement and his eyes widened, his breath hitched and his closed fist flew up to catch on to her, to pull her back, to try to protect her from the impact and he shut his eyes tightly, feeling himself crash into her back, and feeling her grip on his hand tighten to the point of hurting.

she stopped, pavement scratching the soles of her shoes. she turned around, carefully, taking the arm that flew up to catch onto her and trying to stabilise him on his woobly legs. he moved back, stumbling again, realizing he failed so bad in everything, in protecting her, in stopping the blood from rushing to his cheeks, god he failed so bad.

he looked down at his feet, giddiness, shame and worry overwhelming him because.. she cared. her expression looked so worried, her lips again, in that, tight line, her hand not relaxing at all on his and he did not deserve this. he didn't mind if he fell and crashed into the rough pavement, he wouldn't care. but he crashed into her and his mind screamed with worry and he winced and looked up at her again.

"are you okay ? i didn't mean to trip i'm sorry", he asked, but didn't hear himself say the words, because his ears, his mind, everything was ringing so loudly and he struggled to keep his gaze focused on her.

she let out a puff of air and looked down with a faint smile. she looked at him again, nodding, and relief washed over him, his thoughts ears cooling down, the ringing bubbling down. he smiled in relief, sighing, feeling himself rock on his feet.

good, that's so good, i'm so glad, he thought, and squeezed her hand, feeling happiness overwhelm him.

"i told you not to apologize when it's not your fault", she said, crouching a little to catch his gaze, to try to understand his thoughts, "are you okay ? i'm sorry i ran again.", she said when she made eye contact with him.

"it's okay, i'm fine", he said looking back at her, feeling his fingers tremble slightly because of the eye contact.

"really, you should just tug on my hand and i'll stop. we'll go at your pace, okay ? please dont always just go along with everything if you're not comfortable. especially with me, i won't mind whatever you tell me", she said, still looking into his eyes, desperation seeping into her voice. she ached to make him feel comfortable with her, to let him know he can be himself with her.

a wobbly smile made its way onto his face and he kept up the eye contact even though he felt like he might burst, like his eyes might fill with tears, like he might lean into her suddenly, put his head on her shoulder, hug her or even worse he might lean in to kiss her cheeks or her nose, the tip of her nose was so red, was she cold ?

"i'm comfy with you", he heard himself say, breaking the eye contact and looking towards the grass, "i don't mind anything with you really, but are, are you cold ? i can give you my hoodie, i have a spare one, it's not a problem i-"

"yeah, i'd like that, it's kind of windy", she smiled, not letting go of his hands, his trembling hands. he had no idea what to do without them, so he nodded, bitting the inside of his cheek and twisting his tongue in his mouth, feeling the shape of his teeth, of the inside of his cheeks, because what was he supposed to do ? she made him feel so flustered, but so loved and so appreciated, and god, she accepted his hoodie and he felt her hands leave his and he moved his backpack to his front, and opened it, and took his hoodie out, hoping it didn't smell and he handed it to her.

she smiled as she took it, sort of, careful, very carefully taking it in her hands and putting it on.

he watched her, waiting.

her lips let out a puff of air as she finished and smiled at him, holding out her hand again.

he bit his lip, grazing his front teeth with his tongue again. he took her hand, gently, so gently because that was what she deserved, and he felt the tight grip return. his nerves eased. he exhaled.

and again, they walked, her pace matching his as they passed streetlight after streetlight.